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Tag Archives: night

An Analysis of the Top 10 Booty Call Texts of All Time

17 Feb
"Would I like to put my pee-pee in your hoo-hah?  Yes please!" (via shutterstock.com)

“Would I like to put my pee-pee in your hoo-hah? Yes please!” (via shutterstock.com)

Ah, winter in Evanston. I can’t think of a more romantic time and place to be. You probably met a bunch of new people during fall quarter when it was possible to go outside and be social without getting frostbite and dying in a ditch by the side of the road. Odds are, you banged some of those people. That’s pretty rad, dude. Congrats.

But then the frigid death grip of winter tightens its hold around all of our lives, and we’re forced to meet certain base human requirements with people whose numbers are in our phone. Of course, I’m talking about The Booty Call.

So how does one make sure they’re accurately conveying, in piss drunk-text form, the kind of wanton lust that so strikes us in these situations? It can be difficult to navigate, so I’ve gone ahead and compiled a list of the 10 most classic booty call texts of all time, complete with an analysis of each. Happy hunting. Continue reading

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The El at Night: A Poem

4 Jun

TRAIN(1)

Outside the Keg, I loosed a sigh,
The frigid air cut to my core.
“It should be spring,” I dared to cry,
“Still freezing cold! Chi-town! You whore!”

It was past one, a Friday night,
And dark as Tisdahl’s crumpled heart.
I felt my mind flood then with fright,
For I had quite a trek to start.

Though I had drank with all my boys
I had forgotten what I’d known.
For I lived North, At Sherman-Noyes,
And now, alas, I was alone.

I gazed upon the road ahead
Its passage paved with glacial air
And thought, “I would rather be dead,
Then walk the way from here to there.”

But dare I face the other choice?
A risky move at better times!
“Just call safe ride!” rang out a voice!
“Or Anything! Except the El!”

But I ignored that fateful call
And soon I found myself again,
Inside an almost empty hall
Of rattling steel, upon the train.

I say ‘almost’ for there was one
Who sat across the car from me.
He sat as silent as a nun,
His forehead resting on his knee.

“Only two stops,” I muttered then.
“Yes! Only two, and then I’m home.”
Oh hope, how you do toy with men!
Alas, if I had only known!

For as the train began to fly
And travel North, to bare me hence,
This other man, he met my eye
With such a glare to give offense.

And then he stood and turned, and sort
Of slowly, he began to stride
Along the aisle, stopping short
Of where I sat; of where I cried.

For I had seen a dreadful sight!
A sight most terrible and crude.
He was riding the El at night,
Completely and utterly nude!

At last the train came to a stop
At Foster: one stop short of mine.
I lept from my seat with a hop,
And found myself, at 1:09,

Back on the road, to walk the rest.
For I had seen a gruesome scene,
And I had learned that it is best,
To stagger home in moonlight’s gleam.

Remember this! Please hear my cries,
And save yourself a horrid fright.
That comes from seeing naked guys,
Who ride the el here, late at night!