2013: Net Gain or Net Loss? A Quantitative Review

These days, everything seems to have some sort of measurement system. We have heights and weights, salaries and rankings, Klout scores, GPAs, BACs — it seems like everything must be put into numeric terms. Accordingly, we’ve put together a comprehensive review of 2013, scored with our proprietary scoring system. Every significant event of 2013 will be judged on a scale of -5 to +5. A score of -5 means the event made the world a much worse place, and a score of +5 means the event made the world a much better place. Let’s take a look back at 2013 and see where our world lies after the year’s events.

Sherman Ave Interviews: Gary Saul Morson

The Sherman Ave Editors Ross Packingham and Sir Edward Twattingworth III sat down with Professor Gary Saul Morson for an interview.  It was in Cosi. Everyone had fun.

He doesn’t care, he loves it.

Twattingworth: Where are you from?

Morson:  New York.

Twattingworth: Oh.  I think it was Pushkin who called New York the “concrete jungle where dreams are made of.”

Morson:  Oh come on.

Twattingworth: Is that an accurate description of your hometown?

Morson:  Pushkin never said any such thing.

Packingham:  It was either Pushkin or Jay-Z.  I understand you went to Yale?

Morson:  I did.

Packingham:  Is it weird being an alumnus of an institution that most of your students wanted to attend but weren’t smart enough?

How to Feed Yourself and Your Unpaid Internship

There’s nothing like the sweet flavor of an unpaid internship.

Seriously. There literally is nothing like that. Unpaid internships taste like shit, because most internships boil down to three-plus months of ass kissing and there’$ nothing to $weeten the deal.

Plus, you’re starving. Because when you’re in New York, San Francisco or any other city where each square foot of rent costs the sum total of Dolly Parton’s plastic surgeries, do you have the cash to spare for sustenance?

$ign$ point to n0.

“UUUUUUGGGGHHH” Reports Nation After Discovering the Name of Kanye and Kim Kardashian’s New Baby

Baby’s first movie deal.

LOS ANGELES – Upon hearing the news that the first name of Kanye West’s new born daughter is “North” – as in “Hello, class. Everyone say hi to North West and feel free to make fun of her until she has crippling emotional damage” – the world’s population let out a simultaneous groan, followed by