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Tag Archives: Northeastern

An Open Letter to the Northwestern Class of 2018

13 Dec

AHHHHHHYEAAAAAAYYYYY YOU’RE GOING TO NERDWESTERN NORTHWESTERN NORTHWASTED !!!!!

Congratulations. Sincerely. You took 7 or 8 AP exams and scored somewhere 33+ on your ACT* You wrestled away your school’s student presidency from that fucking bitch Katie Taylor and you sacrificed a healthy sleep schedule for that batch of A pluses.

And now,

It’s all paid off.

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The Twelve Worst Things People Say to Northwestern Students

4 Nov

1. “What’s it like going to school in Boston?”
It’s Northwestern, not that other school in Boston. You know, “Chicago’s Big Ten Team?”

2. “How many times have you been to the NCAA tournament?”
Who’s really counting these days (#me #shame #depression)? Anyway, Chris Collins is going to take us to the Promised Land within the next two years, and there’s like a million other sports in which we’re bomb-ass.

3. “Son, your mother and I are getting a divorce.”
Seriously? Have you seen our ACT scores?

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8 Potential Slogans for Northwestern

3 Sep

Northwestern has its signifiers and catchphrases (“Go ‘Cats” “Purple Pride” “Chicago’s Big Ten School” or “The Ivy of the Midwest”) but it’s about time Northwestern had its own solid all-encompassing and honest slogan. I’ve provided a few suggestions.

(When you read this list, say “Northwestern” before you read the slogan. It adds to the experience. Just do it.) Continue reading