How To Fail Your Finals Gracefully: An Urgent Letter From Your Exceptionally Well-Prepared Classmates

Hey there. Hi. Yes, you.

You, the person we’ve never seen in this class before. You, the one who tried to cram 7 equations and 168 pages the night before (160 pages because you skipped the real-world example blurbs). Let us introduce ourselves.

We are the members of the class that make up that 100-level distro you thought would be easy but woops you forgot at Northwestern every class is weed-out.  You may not know this but we hang out a lot. Where ,you may ask? Only every single one of the professor’s office hour session, and we haven’t seen you at a single one. In fact, we can’t even remember seeing you at one of the professor’s intimate home-cooked dinner parties either.

Sherman Ave Freshman Guide: The Do’s and Don’ts of Being a Pre-med

You will never, EVER, have enough time to date this man.

Congratulations on your acceptance to Weinberg College of Arts and Sceinces! It’s a magical place where humanities majors do whatever it is they do while premeds commiserate. If your parents are pressuring you into becoming a doctor you’re thinking about going pre-med, you sure as hell better study this guide before stepping foot into Chem 101.

DO go to office hours. That shit is helpful. Also, figure out a systematic way to study that works for you and your brain. It’s a process of trial and error, but once you figure it out you’ll be a rock star.

…that’s actually the only “Do” I can think of, because did I mention that I’m a Sherman Ave writer so I don’t have my shit together?