- Drinking.
- Partying.
- People dancing.
- People kissing.
- A long line to the bathroom.
- A group of guys creating a bong using a blender, a piece of string, and a lead pencil.
- A twerk/salsa dance fusion contest that evolved into an impromptu slam poetry reading.
- Two grown men getting into a fist fight over Orange Is the New Black’s season finale while Imagine Dragon’s Radioactive played in the background.
- The return of The Zodiac Killer.
- A young stripper named Pizza Dough showing up to what she thought was her American Idol audition.
- Chief Keef showing up to rap battle with his own shadow.
- A one man show reenacting D-Day by a Theatre major conflicted about double majoring in Political Science.
- A game of slap cup involving a Russian Ouija board and a toilet seat moist with condensation.
- The filming of a scene from The Wolf of Wall Street 2: The Wolf Pack is Back (in Action).
- Chief Keef murdering his shadow and tattooing a tear drop onto his face.
- Pitbull’s son, Three-Legged Golden Retriever, DJing for twenty minutes before having to leave to take his insulin.
- Whitney Houston’s ghost’s final concert.
- Sherman Ave thwarting the rise of the Confederacy for the third time this year.
- Someone calling the police to report the murder of Chief Keef’s shadow.
- An orgy involving 10 restless hand puppets.
- Girls snorting Malaysian birth control off a bathroom sink.
- Lonely morphine drips looking for hands to hold.
- Slip n’ Slides made slippery by an industrial sized tube of Carmex cherry lip balm.
- A cooler of jungle juice doubling as a portal to the world of Jumanji.
- A damn good time.
Advertisements
These days, everything seems to have some sort of measurement system. We have heights and weights, salaries and rankings, Klout scores, GPAs, BACs — it seems like everything must be put into numeric terms. Accordingly, we’ve put together a comprehensive review of 2013, scored with our proprietary scoring system. Every significant event of 2013 will be judged on a scale of -5 to +5. A score of -5 means the event made the world a much worse place, and a score of +5 means the event made the world a much better place. Let’s take a look back at 2013 and see where our world lies after the year’s events. 