Chin Up, Northwestern: An Open Letter to Bereaved NU Football Fans

Dear Wildcats,

We at Sherman Ave talked a lot about An Ohio State University getting fucked, wrecked, guzzling our Siemian, and all sorts of other fantastic verbage *does Trumpy dickswinging celebration out of habit*. At this point, if you’re not familiar with the events of the OSU-NU game, you can just close this tab, and then find some Siemian to guzzle or something.

In reality, no real fucking or wrecking was had, neither by NU nor OSU. Of course, OSU supporters will be quick to say that, actually, they fucked us. But they’d be fucking wrong.

#GetFuckedAnOhioStateUniversity

Hope OSU isn’t too turned off by NU’s “Two QBs, One Cup” routine

Dear Ohio State,

As you may have noticed, we’re getting pretty excited for An Ohio State University to come to town and play under the lights on national television. Our students may even take a break from studying for their midterms to tailgate on Saturday, although that may be just to pick out which of your visiting fans would make excellent employees for us to lay off once we’re hired after graduation.

Apparently a massive event, referred to only as “Gameday,” is coming to town, bringing a festive experience where Lee Corso attempts to escape the chilling existential dread of his impending death with a seemingly boundless supply of iconoclasm and viagra while Herbie mournfully stares off into the distance, reminiscing about his lost love Erin Andrews and trying to remember how to string two sentences together.