EVANSTON, Il – At 11:37 AM this morning on CollegiateACB, SororityChick69 released the official social rankings of NU’s IFC fraternities. Her announcement falls in the wake of intense deliberation and debate throughout the past year on the site’s comment threads. After refusing an in-person interview, SororityChick69 agreed to speak with Sherman Ave on the phone.
“Deciding who is top tier this year was the hardest Continue reading
1. Now I have 40 more Facebook friends. Can some1 say #popular?
2. Sleep
3. When I speak to people, there can be a natural pause in the conversation and I don’t have to worry that the other person will think I’m weird or awkward
4. Today my alarm went off and I was like oh I should get up and shower and then I was like nah and slept for another 25 minutes
(via northwestern.edu)
Listen up, Wildcats. Betches love to complain about winter in Evanston. It’s soooo cold. Rush is soooo boring. I don’t have a date for Valentine’s Day. Nobody will ever love me. I’m going to die alone surrounded by my cats and McKinsey and Company employee of the month awards. The passage near Kellogg is like totally a wind tunnel. I should have gone to Madison, it’s totally not this cold up there. My Wings Over order is taking sooooo long to get here. Where is my Honey BBQ? Where is the Frosbite Express??!??!?
I’m gonna stop you right there. Winter quarter is amazing, you just don’t know it yet. Here’s a rundown of all the reasons why January through March are a wonderful time to be a Wildcat:
You’re back in the warm bosom of your childhood home, and, as much as you’d like to curl up in a corner and revert to being the antisocial nerd you were in high school, you need to socialize… at some point. And shower. You really need to shower. Your best friend, being the great guy or gal that they are, isn’t going to let you spend this break hiding out with your cat. So here you are, a reluctant attendee at a party with all of the people from your high school you Continue reading
Theater majors love to party. We all know that. I don’t know if you have been to a theater party (nor would I remember if you have), but there are some pretty insane drinking games that they play. Accordingly, we will now give you a break from our normally scheduled heinousness to share some of the more interesting drinking games of the theater world. Continue reading
Is JT an introvert? Sure, maybe, whatever. His picture got you to click on the link to this article and that’s all that matters.
It’s super hard to be an introvert, you guys. We totally don’t like parties and stuff, and casual small talk? Forget it, amirite?
Share this on your friend’s Facebook page and point out which numbers directly apply to you/your friend. Because lists are fun.
The Princeton Review is out this week with their annual ranking of America’s top party schools, and once again they’ve really fucked this thing up in every way imaginable. IOWA?! IOWA?!?! Come oonnnnnn, that’s like listing Everclear as the #1 party drink. Sure, it has the highest alcohol content, but if your party has only Everclear, everyone dies and/or goes home sad. Just like Iowa.
But where the Princeton Review really missed the mark was in not even putting Northwestern on the list. And the more I think about it, the obviouser more obvious it becomes that NU should be named the top party school Continue reading
Want to come back to my place and finish our discussion on Freudian Theory?
Recently, I was at a party with my gals dancing the night away, celebrating being done with yet another quarter of my godforsaken Spanish class, when a sweaty guy from my class came up to me and started a conversation. It went as so:
Boy: Ammonia$ta?! [puts an arm around my shoulder and drunkenly leans on me] Totally didn’t recognize you! You’re like, actually attractive!
A$: Uh…thanks?
Boy: Yeah like…how come you don’t come to class looking like this? Totally would have hit on you.
A$: Oh uh… [trying to get out from under his arm without making him fall over] I’m just lazy I guess.”
Boy: [Laughs because he thinks I was joking and walks away]
Sometimes, one PBR just isn’t enough for a night in the stacks.
1. Michael Cera: Nursing your first natty
Hey. You’re in the corner? Oh wow, I’m in the corner too. Wow, yeah. This corner is really hopping. [Silence]. Are you having fun in this corner? Yeah. Yeah, me too. I really like this song.
Hey, so this is probably gonna come off kinda weird but I thought I’d say a couple run-on sentences in a breathy detached voice about how pretty your eyelashes looked when that dude who looks like Tori Spelling stumbled into the wall and turned the light switch on for a second and I’m sorta hoping if I tell you this I’ll get laid cause you think I’m cute. I mean I’m not like trying to tell you you’re attractive but I’m not trying to tell you you’re not or anything, I guess if it’s okay that I think you’re really attractive then yeah that’s how I meant it. Oh. Oh, yeah. You have a boyfriend. You know, I think I need another drink.
Tears come easier afteer a long day of pregaming football games.
You should probably study sometime
Those C’s will catch up with you and prevent you from doing some pretty cool shenanigans. For those of you who didn’t have to study in high school – shit got real once you showed up here. Learn how to study (it’s difficult, I know).
People here all have cool backgrounds and interesting stories
Most people at Northwestern aren’t vapid, moronic human beings. We’re all pretty cool and interesting. I even know someone from a town who had a guy going around fucking sheep. Yes, you read that right.
Dressing up for parties isn’t as fun and sexy as you thought it’d be
In fact, it’s really tiring… I’m just straight up exhausted with seeing decked-out freshmen walk into parties rolling 30-deep. It’s 7 degrees outside. Ditch the skirt that leaves absolutely nothing to the imagination and do your best to obtain a little self-respect.
Dignity is hard!
Your hookups will definitely come back to haunt you on your walk down Sheridan Road, and you wont know if a) they remember you and b) if you should say hi. You’ll also probably have had some less than stellar nights and moments at parties where “What the fuck?” was the only possible reaction. Hold your head high and suck it up. You’re better than those moments and people will forget about it. Probably.
That awkwardness doesn’t mean you should be unfriendly as fuck, however. Don’t reinforce the stereotype that we nerds here at Northwestern are also socially incompetent. We all know that you remember taking shots to big booty hoes this weekend, so acknowledge me when I pass you by.
You shouldn’t be pretending to “know” people
Remember that one time you walked up to that frat house, dropped a random Facebook friend’s name, and was promptly told that he was out of the country? Yeah, you’re always going to feel weird about that one. Make real connections and don’t abuse your friendships in order to get drunk.
And if you haven’t learned anything else, you must have learned that applications to write for Sherman Ave are available NOW.
Sherman Ave 