The Pope is dope and here’s why

We all have families that are a little crazy, and nothing brings that out like the holiday season. But in true New Year’s fashion, it’s time to reflect on the progress that has come out of the last year. And for me, that progress is the result of one guy who’s managed to soften my family’s unique craziness. So cheers to you, Pope Francis!

2013: Net Gain or Net Loss? A Quantitative Review

These days, everything seems to have some sort of measurement system. We have heights and weights, salaries and rankings, Klout scores, GPAs, BACs — it seems like everything must be put into numeric terms. Accordingly, we’ve put together a comprehensive review of 2013, scored with our proprietary scoring system. Every significant event of 2013 will be judged on a scale of -5 to +5. A score of -5 means the event made the world a much worse place, and a score of +5 means the event made the world a much better place. Let’s take a look back at 2013 and see where our world lies after the year’s events.

Exclusive: Sherman Ave Speaks With Pope Francis I

#YOPO

Yesterday marked a historic day for the Catholic Church, as Cardinal Jorge Mario Bergoglio of Argentina—now known as Pope Francis I—was selected to be the 266^th leader of the Catholic Church.  In a stroke of good luck, Sherman Ave correspondent Prince Giblets was fortunate enough to chat with the recently elected Pontifex Maximus only moments after he spoke for the first time at the Vatican.  What did His Holiness have to say?  You’ll have to keep reading to find out:

What’s Next for Pope Benedict XVI? New Car, New Digs, New Twitter Handle

Pope Benedict XVI about to receive a 15-yard pass from Kurt Warner, a former Cardinal.

Okay, so as most have you have probably heard by now, Pope Benedict XVI has announced plans to resign from his position as Holy See and Muslim-basher. While he hasn’t been clear on his motivation for resigning, one can only assume that it was because his faith in the Triune God (and any trace of goodness in this world, for that matter) was broken last night when Drake won Best Rap Album at the Grammy’s. Either that, or Silvio Berlusconi touched him in his no-no places and the emotional pain is just too overwhelming.

God Laughs as Notre Dame Loses

His Greatness, doing his best Brian Kelly impression.

MIAMI — According to witnesses at the Pearly Gate, His Almighty was reportedly overheard giggling fervently as the final seconds ticked down on Notre Dame’s crushing 42-14 NCAA BCS Championship defeat.

God, in all his righteous omniscience and everlasting mercy, had a really good chuckle as Nick Saban’s Alabama Crimson Tide rolled easily to their third national championship in four seasons. The loss, which signifies that maybe there truly is a Higher Power watching over us all to benevolently protect His helpless flock from the pompous self-aggrandizement and arrogant delusion that characterize Notre Dame football fans, has sent shockwaves across the theological community.