If CAESAR Were Used At Hogwarts…

MONDAY

Harry:  Looks like everything is lined up except for my discussion sections!  I’m really lucky, I got into all the classes I wanted.  And it doesn’t matter who I have for my discussions, so it’s totally whatever.

Ron:  All the classes look pretty good to me, I guess I’m just going to have to single out which ones require the fewest textbooks.  Divination maybe?

Hermione:  I want to take the most interesting and challenging classes possible.  Probably Organic Potions, and maybe Defense Against the Dark Arts: An Econometric Approach.

“It takes a great deal of bravery to stand up to our enemies, but just as much to use this absolute shithole of a program.”

Neville:  I’m going to go for easy classes this quarter, because I’m incredibly incompetent.  Is there a wizarding equivalent to SESP?

Seamus:  Being proud of my Irish heritage, I’d like to learn more about the history of my people.  I mean, my last name is Finnegan, for fuck’s sake.

Draco:  I think I’ll go for classes that will benefit me the most in my career.  Serious classes.

Cho:  My parents want me to go pre-med.  I tried explaining to them that I’m a wizard.  I’ll really take anything at this point.  

A Finals Season Guide To The Library

With finals season bearing down upon us, scores of Northwestern students will soon start their tri-annual pilgrimage to the book place for the fun sexi learning times.

Yes, it is time once again to prepare for the library to be full of sexually frustrated sophomores whose only goal in life is to take the study carrel that you’ve been using/peeing on for the last two years. This means a number of things – including that we really do need a “You Pee On It You Claim It” rule – but the most important takeaway is that we could all do with a refresher on what sort of actions are acceptable in each part of the library: