1. You were trying to go to the library but it took too goddamn long to cross Sheridan.
2. The government was shut down.
3. You were looking for the crepe place in Norris.
4. You got impaled by a biker so now you lie bleeding.
5. You were writing a strongly worded letter to your local congressman.
I still haven’t learned how to throw these properly.
When I left for college four years ago, I (like most of you) imagined I would be immersed in an environment full of intellects on their journey to better themselves by furthering their education.
I was wrong.
I soon learned that going to college is really just a lot of procrastinating on the Internet and complaining about classes crammed between drunken weekends. And it was between two especially drunken weekends in the fall of my freshman year that I learned my first lesson: There are a lot of stupid people in this world, and many of them will be more successful than you, and there’s nothing you can do about it.
Sherman Ave 