Tag Archives: rager

Student Who Spent Friday Night in Library Unaware That “These Are the Days”

24 Feb
The student in question, enjoying the best years of his life.

The student in question, enjoying the best years of his life.

EVANSTON, IL – Reports from Mudd Library have confirmed that the engineer hard at work this past Friday night has not yet figured out that his college years will, by default, be remembered as the highlight of his youth.  The student is reportedly oblivious to the fact that in 20 years his middle-aged self will frequently reminisce about his years in college, murmuring to himself, “Those were the days,” while he gazes wistfully out the window of his office building.

The aging senior manager will then resignedly sigh as he rests his head on his hand and recalls how he used to toss the ol’ Frisbee with “the guys” on the quad before a weekend of “hittin’ the sauce”, an activity that made up less than .001% of his college career.

Through continued monitoring of the situation, it was confirmed that Continue reading

The 5 Frat Guys You Can’t Avoid

31 Oct

1.  John Smith?

You know his face because he’s always around. He also calls you by name, asks you how you are and how that history test went the other day. You can’t be totally sure, but you may have met him during Welcome Week freshman year. Just smile and nod when he approaches because let’s be honest you don’t know his name. Was it John? Matthew? Mark? Maybe Luke? Okay now you’re just naming biblical figures. Just smile and nod.

Him? Who?

Him? Who?

Continue reading

“College is Sick” says Northwestern Freshman to State School Friends

7 Oct
"Man I love college!!! And I love drinking!!! And I love women!!! And I love college!!!!"

“Man I love college!!! And I love drinking!!! And I love women!!! And I love college!!!!”

While other students his age had been frequenting the many local bars their college towns had to offer and sucking shots of Heritage off the flat, pierced stomachs of their peers for a month, Northwestern Freshman Kyle Henderson had been biding his time, Facebook-stalking them all until September 16th.

Once he had marched through the Arch and hung up his John Belushi “Animal House” poster in his Bobb dorm room, Henderson was ready to “rage” like a college kid and even more ready to Continue reading