2013: Net Gain or Net Loss? A Quantitative Review

These days, everything seems to have some sort of measurement system. We have heights and weights, salaries and rankings, Klout scores, GPAs, BACs — it seems like everything must be put into numeric terms. Accordingly, we’ve put together a comprehensive review of 2013, scored with our proprietary scoring system. Every significant event of 2013 will be judged on a scale of -5 to +5. A score of -5 means the event made the world a much worse place, and a score of +5 means the event made the world a much better place. Let’s take a look back at 2013 and see where our world lies after the year’s events.

Review of Game of Thrones, Season 3, Episode 9, AKA the worst thing that ever happened to me

THERE WILL BE SPOILERS IN THIS ARTICLE.  

That being said, there will also be spoilers in the episode.  Not only spoilers of plotlines, but also spoilers of any remnant of joy you might have been able to salvage since Game of Thrones last took it from you by giving you an unobstructed view of Hodor’s dick.

Before we get into the disturbing horrors of My Big Fat Red Wedding, in which Windex would solve none of the problems at hand (unless you’re the poor bastard charged with cleaning all of the INNOCENT BLOOD FROM THE FLOOR), let’s talk about the other important characters in this episode.