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Tag Archives: resume

How to Build Your Resumé with Awkward Comments from Your Relatives

18 Dec

We’re just a few short weeks away from the beginning of internship application season, or if you’re not in school, “another week of trying to get employed” season. Writing a resumé is a surefire way to decimate your confidence as a hirable individual. Fortunately, you can ride the depressing low of the holidays and insert your relatives’ opinions of you to round out the “special abilities” section of your already tepid resumé.

“Taller”

The most commonly uttered comment by relatives. It’s safe and probably true. Now you can reach things most people can’t, or at least reach things that children can’t, like a Continue reading

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10 Special Skills You Might Have But Shouldn’t Put On Your Résumé

7 Mar
That's not to say there's anything wrong with not having a gag reflex.

That’s not to say there’s anything wrong with not having a gag reflex.

1.  I have no gag reflex.  Sorry, but this skill will really only work in your favor in a few career paths.  One of those is in Quality Control for Chiquita.  The other is in the adult entertainment industry.  Potential third option: presidential aide circa 1997.

2.  I can complete the Flags Of The World quiz on Sporcle.  Congratulations, you might have a photographic memory.  Your career options are as follows:  Become Monk, become Professor Charles Xavier, or become Rain Man.  Maybe if you’re lucky, Washington D.C. will lose power for eternity and you can get a part-time job working 5 hours a year at the State Department.

3.  I can tie a cherry stem in a knot with my tongue.  WWWWOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!  YOU’RE INCREDIBLE!!!!!!  You have an unusually capable tongue.  So does my Basset Hound.  You should apply to be a Basset Hound! Continue reading