2013 Bowl Game Predictions

Sherman Ave’s premiere sports authorities (like the store: Sports Authority #ad) Samwise Donkenstein and Manua Hiki-Hiki, have come together to give their predictions for 2013’s biggest bowl games. Plan your crippling gambling addictions accordingly.

Chick-Fil-A Gays Are The Worst Bowl: Duke vs. Texas A&M

Manua Hiki-Hiki: In a turn of events not even the assholes at Duke’s Fuqua (pronounced: Fuck You) School of Business could’ve predicted, Mike Krzyzewski’s some guy’s Duke Blue Devil football team that apparently exists and isn’t just a camp for the basketball team, will be taking on Johnny Football and the Texas A&M Agatha Christies (a.k.a Aggies) in The Chick-Fil-A Intolerance Bowl.

Duke, up until a 45-7 throttling by Florida State in ACC Championship Game, had been on course for one of their best seasons in many years. However, their luck is likely to only get worse in the Honestly I Always Assumed Chick-Fil-A Was Full of Bigots Bowl. With their leading rusher Jela Duncan suspended for “an undisclosed violation of its academic policy,” otherwise known as cheating, Duke will be even further disadvantaged in an already mismatched contest against Texas A&M.

Point/Counterpoint: Will Northwestern make the Rose Bowl?

(via chicagosidesports.com)

POINT

by Evander Jones

As much as it pains me to say it, I don’t think that the good old Cardiac ‘Cats have a Nebraskan hail mary’s chance of making The Grandaddady of Them All. Unfortunately, there are more impediments blocking Northwestern from making the Rose Bowl than there are ways for NU to lose a game, but these three sticking points immediately jump out to me as reasons Northwestern doesn’t have a chance to make this New Year’s Tournament of Roses:

The John Evans Curse

Anyone who has followed Northwestern’s football team this year knows that there is an invisible, intangible and entirely irreversible curse working against them. That’s not to say that the team should be 9-0 (there has been some less-than-stellar playing all around), but something is clearly afoot. It simply cannot be denied after losing to Ohio State because of a controversial spot on 4th and 1, losing to Iowa in overtime, losing to Nebraska because of a 50-yard Hail Mary touchdown with 4 seconds left, and now losing to Michigan on a last-second haphazard field goal that couldn’t even happen in Madden 2014.

#GetFuckedCal

Don’t ask what the lightsaber’s for.

Dear Cal,

I know we’ve only seen each other once before, but apparently the thorough dicking you received during the Truman administration was so great you couldn’t help but ask us to come back for more.

So here we are, yet again, the Gator Bowl Champion Wildcats visiting Berkeley for the first time since the Soviets went all nuclear and since the sad hippie burnout Golden Bears last retained any sense of national relevance.  And this time, Fitz and his 22nd nationally-ranked crew come bearing a message:

Get fucked Cal.

Samwise Donkenstein’s Preseason Top 5 Feelings About This Year

The 6th Feeling is Swag

It is my own misfortune, and indeed the misfortune of many reading this article, to have (mostly) unwittingly chosen a life of suffering and self-torture. I can’t ask for sympathy, I did this to myself, and I can’t ask most humans to understand my situation; how could you, being either outside the realm of fandom or lucky enough to root for a team by some other name?

I am an invested, devoted, fervent fan of the Northwestern Wildcats, and only a select few people to have ever walked this Earth truly know what that is like.

Sherman Ave Bowl Game Predictions

With the college football season coming to a close, we here at Sherman Ave wanted to provide our in-depth analysis on the final week of sports in the academic year when Northwestern will be relevant – Bowl Week.

Capital One Bowl

Nebraska vs. Georgia, Jan. 1

Remember that time when the Big Ten lobbied against Northwestern being in the Capital One Bowl in favor of a Nebraska team that #GotFucked and lost to a 7-5 Wisconsin team that lost by 49 points? So do we. However, Sherman Ave is an impartial source of fair, intelligent journalism, which is why we’re projecting that NEBRASKA IS GOING TO GET FUCKING RAILED! Nebraska is going to get fucked so hard that they’re going to be walking with a limp until the start of next season. This is a corn-shucking, pig-fucking (Really, they have sex with pigs) bunch of nobodies  playing against a Georgia team that came within five yards of playing in the Championship Game. Nebraska’s marquee victory this year was against a weakened Michigan team that didn’t have Denard Robinson. Georgia’s best victory? Florida. Yeah. Think about that.