Saferide to Limit Pick-ups and Drop-offs to Locations on Go Fuck Yourself Avenue

Pictured: One of the many one Saferide car (via Northwestern).

EVANSTON, Il. – A representative from Saferide announced in a press conference that the student taxi service would be limiting all rides to locations along Go Fuck Yourself Avenue.

“When it comes down to it, we just don’t have the funding anymore,” said the representative. “It’s regrettable, but from this point forward, students will only be able to get a ride if they are both coming from and headed to a location along Go Fuck Yourself Avenue.”

The representative added that, if the organization receives more funding next year, they’ll hope to expand their service to Suck A Veiny Dick Court, and possibly even Here’s A Zip-Lock Bag Full Of My Seven-Month Old Pubes Lane.

Sherman Ave Freshman Guide: How to Use Facebook for Newly Admitted College Students

She did NOT just friend every member of the Class of 2017.

So you just got accepted into your dream college, or your “best fit school,” or your safety school, or the University of Chicago – congratulations! Now that you’ve gotten past this difficult step, there’s only one thing you have to remember: Every single person from these schools’ Facebook groups is watching your every move.

Yes, once you join “___________ University’s Class of 2017” Facebook group, there will be thousands of people going through your past, current, and future Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn, MySpace (yeah, they find it), and Adult FriendFinder posts and pictures. In order to help you navigate this frightening new world, Sherman Ave has compiled a list of dos and don’ts that will provide some insight into how to act in the strange world of stalking.

Disclaimer: Sherman Ave cannot legally promise that these suggestions will help.