Evanston, Il.— In response to the anti-gay flyers handed out at Northwestern’s Arch this afternoon, Northwestern University has decided to replace some of Northwestern’s acronyms with acronyms that are more LGBT friendly to show support for Northwestern’s queer students.
“We think this flyer situation is Continue reading
(via Northwestern)
Citing the year in the Hebrew calendar and the great importance of giving back to the university, Northwestern President Morty Schapiro asked graduating seniors of Jewish descent to donate $57.74 in an email this morning.
The move was unexpected, as past graduating classes have been asked only to donate according to the year in the Gregorian calendar, recently totaling only about $20. But Schapiro believes it is important for seniors raised in the Jewish tradition to give the extra $37.60.
“More than fundraising, the senior gift is about ensuring the survival of traditions at Northwestern,” said Schapiro in the email, which was sent only to Jewish seniors. “And what better way to honor the Jewish tradition than by identifying yourselves not as the Class of 2014, but as the Class of 5774.”
Added Schapiro, “But also, fundraising.”
A yamaka with Pat Fitzgerald's face on it is also appropriate as a Hanukkah gift
Fucksaw
Admit it: you have those days. You’re hornier than a two-peckered triceratops, but too tired to go all the way up north to flirt your way into some frat bro’s lovestained man-cave and too classy to booty text your “It’s Complicated” on the fourth floor. Hell, you don’t want to deal with people at all. This is why sex toys exist. Remember: nothing says Wildcat Pride like a decently sized purple drilldo.
A Framed Photo of Yourself
Because who wouldn’t want that? You could even pose like the self-photography of 13-year-old girls whose love for MySpace is only second to love of themselves. If you’re really feeling it, make it a poster — the recipient can put it above their bed and wake up self-gratify themselves to it every morning like they did with their Channing Tatum poster in middle school. But this time, they might even have your fucksaw to help out.
A Framed Photo of Morton Schapiro
See above.
Box O’Fun
Not what it sounds like, and a legit good idea. I’m compiling quotations that are inspiring (“Remember, things are never so bad that they can’t get worse”), dorky (“Is your name Avada Kedavra? Cause you’ve got a killer bod”), mature (“I’M STANDING RIGHT BEHIND YOU…made you look”) and thoughtful (“Can I borrow your hair straightener?”). I’m putting them with candy in a small tasteful storage container names-in-a-hat style, and instructing my BFF to draw a quotation every time she needs to de-stress or procrastinate.
Gift Card to Burger King
Let’s be real: after Willard dining hall, this is your friend group’s second-most-patronized food acquisition area in Evanston. Late-night drunchies? Weekend Hinman’s too busy? You give someone the gift of free burgers, and they’re gonna use it.
Would you like that gift rapped?
Cookies
No matter how incredible hot cookie bar can be, nothing compares to homemade peanut blossoms. Nothing.
Another legit idea: “Cookie mix in a jar.” You’ve seen it. Someone gives out a jar/bag/mug of dry ingredients and lets the recipient do the messy work. But it’s cute.
A Stripper
Give me one reason why not. I dare you.
The Love Professor will see you now
Keep your friends close and your heinousness closer.
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*In which case, CONGRATS!
**Ellie K once had an overnight tryst with a boy who sang her that very song. However, contrary to what one might expect, the full-length serenade did not facilitate the hookup, but rather transpired a significant amount of time later in a location where she was quite literally The Only Girl in the Room. She’s never been quite sure what to make of that.
Sherman Ave 