Infographic: Should You be on Tinder?

Famous Movie Quotes Spoken by Hodor from Game of Thrones

If you haven’t seen Game of Thrones or read A Song of Ice and Fire books THEN YOU FUCKING SHOULD BECAUSE GEORGE R. R. MARTIN WENT TO NORTHWESTERN FOR 5 YEARS, HE WAS A MEDILLDO AND HE TRAVERSED THE HALLS OF TECH AND HE WALKED TO CLASS IN SHITTY WEATHER AND HE WAS SO INSPIRED THAT HE WROTE A FUCKING BOOK ABOUT COLD AND DOOM AND MISERY.

There’s also a lot of sex in Game of Thrones.

But we all know none of that came from Northwestern.

In Game of Thrones, there’s a character named Hodor who never says anything except “Hodor.” He’s also the most devilishly handsome character on the TV show, and a regular fan-favorite. Part of Hodor’s charm is that he uses the phrase “Hodor” in place of any actual words. To demonstrate, Sherman Ave has translated some of the best movie quotes of all time into Hodor-ese.

So hodor to your hodor! Hodor hodor and remember, hodor. 

 

An Analysis of the Top 10 Booty Call Texts of All Time

“Would I like to put my pee-pee in your hoo-hah? Yes please!” (via shutterstock.com)

Ah, winter in Evanston. I can’t think of a more romantic time and place to be. You probably met a bunch of new people during fall quarter when it was possible to go outside and be social without getting frostbite and dying in a ditch by the side of the road. Odds are, you banged some of those people. That’s pretty rad, dude. Congrats.

But then the frigid death grip of winter tightens its hold around all of our lives, and we’re forced to meet certain base human requirements with people whose numbers are in our phone. Of course, I’m talking about The Booty Call.

So how does one make sure they’re accurately conveying, in piss drunk-text form, the kind of wanton lust that so strikes us in these situations? It can be difficult to navigate, so I’ve gone ahead and compiled a list of the 10 most classic booty call texts of all time, complete with an analysis of each. Happy hunting.

An Ode to the Olympic Sweater

My eyes widen, and a patriotic spark awakens
My senses, as though of Coca-Cola I had drunk,
Or inhaled a Big-Mac with four slices of bacon.
One minute passed, and then these words I had thunk:
“Tis not through hatred of the ugly lot,
but being too happy in thy ugliness,-
That thou, star-spangled cardigan of wool,
In some melodious plot
Of patchwork art, and flags numberless (aka 2),
Singest of America the beautiful.

Cosmo’s 7 Tips for a Sexy Thanksgiving

I’d hit that.

Thanksgiving is a time for family and togetherness, but it’s also a time for loving. Check out some our top tips for making your Thanksgiving the sexiest one yet.

11 reasons to see “The Hunger Games: Catching Fire”

The Hunger Games will likely be one of the movie series that defines this generation. It will be talked about for months and referenced for years. In lieu of this, we here at Sherman Ave feel it is of the utmost importance that everyone goes to see it. If, however, the threat of isolation from all of your closest friends and loved ones isn’t enough to convince you, we have 11 more reasons why you should see Catching Fire:

1. Jennifer Lawrence

An actress reaching the peak of her career and continuously improving her already-impressive craft, Jennifer Lawrence’s performance in Catching Fire has already wowed critics and fans alike, and is something you should not miss – even if you’re not a huge fan of the series.

Sexile: A Poem

I hiked in the cold to my building from Tech
I finally finished my long-as-hell trek.
I climbed tons of stairs way up to the fifth floor
And to my surprise a tie hung on my door.

“Oh, shitfuck!” I heard myself angrily speak.
My roommate did this almost three times a week!
And worse still the walls were indeed paper-thin,
So I could hear all of the loud, clapping skin!

Gender Studies Major Writes First Clit Review

Dalton, looking dubiously for the clit he needs.

EVANSTON, Ill. — Sophomore Gender Studies major Lane Dalton announced this morning that he had just turned in his first ever clit review to a faculty member in the Gender Studies department.

The six-page review discussed, compared and criticized a wide variety of clit pertaining to Dalton’s research topic.

Dalton admitted that his experience writing a clit review brought mixed feelings of

Things I’ve Learned From Living Alone For A Week

It’s comforting knowing that this obnoxious girl has nobody to live with.

I’ve been living alone for about five and a half days now. Technically I have a roommate, but he doesn’t start work until September (lucky bastard), so he’s on an extended vacation on the other side of the country. When I first heard this news I thought, “oh this will be great! I’ll have plenty of time alone with my thoughts, and I’ll be able to catch up on all the reading I’ve been wanting to do forever!” But apparently I don’t have that many thoughts, and I don’t want to catch up on that much reading after all.

I guess part of me thought I would remember how to entertain myself from a childhood full of older brothers that insisted on exclusively playing single-player video games; turns out I remember less of that than what I learned in high school history.*

Anyway, all this alone time has left me bored out of my fucking mind. So much so that I’ve decided to write this article outlining a few of the things I’ve discovered out of aforementioned boredom (probably more for my entertainment than yours).

Mayoral Sexting Scandal Strikes Evanston

Evanston, IL–In a shocking turn of events, embedded Sherman Ave reporters have recently uncovered that the mayor of the City of Evanston, Elizabeth Gertrude Tisdahl, has been involved in a tawdry sexting scandal with some of Evanston’s most elite and respected community members. And while much has yet to be discovered, the Pacemaker-nominated researchers at Sherman Ave have been able to access transcripts of several of the exchanges (below).

Disclaimer: The following information is not safe for work. Please proceed with caution.