An RA-Resident Text Conversation from Residential Services’ Hell

Sexile: A Poem

I hiked in the cold to my building from Tech
I finally finished my long-as-hell trek.
I climbed tons of stairs way up to the fifth floor
And to my surprise a tie hung on my door.

“Oh, shitfuck!” I heard myself angrily speak.
My roommate did this almost three times a week!
And worse still the walls were indeed paper-thin,
So I could hear all of the loud, clapping skin!

Sherman Ave Freshman Guide: Dealing With a Terrible Roommate

I’ll kill you in your sleep.

Before I left for college, I had a heart-to-heart chat with my Dad.  There were many things that made me anxious, but my fears about my future roommate exceeded all others. I was terrified that my roommate would be a serial killer, a poltergeist, a hater of Harry Potter, or a fan of Fox news. Thankfully, none of those things came true. At least, to my knowledge. Although I did once catch my roommate, who shall henceforth be referred to as Phyllis, watching The O’Reilly Factor. But I THINK she was doing it ironically.