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EVANSTON – Representatives from Mayfest have announced that there is in fact no headliner for this year’s Dillo Day. The student group’s explanation, detailed in a statement released this morning, admitted that the Dillo headliner was all part of a “June Fool’s” prank.
“Haha! We totally got you! Suckers!” Mayfest posted this evening on their official webpage. “This was totally planned the whole time, duh! We got you guys goooooooooood.”
One Northwestern. One Shitshow.
In the wake of a heated Associated Student Government Senate meeting last Wednesday night, ASG President Ani Ajith is scrambling to fill numerous vacancies for cabinet positions left unconfirmed following the acrimonious session. While ASG‘s failure to confirm the chief of staff, vice president for public relations and associate vice president for diversity and inclusion positions for political, racial, and fecal reasons received wide coverage, the following seven essential positions also remain unconfirmed.
1. Smash Mouth’s slot at Dillo Day
Despite widespread support for the 1990s pop-rock band’s appointment to Dillo Day‘s traditional “Bands-You-Listened-To-In-Middle-School-Nostalgic-Daytime Slot,” the selection committee’s nomination was blocked by senate vote following a contentious floor debate. Bobb senator Biff Pemberton expressed concern with the band’s rumored appointment, claiming that the band “just wasn’t experienced enough” for the responsibility of performing for thousands of drunken college kids. Pemberton went on to filibuster the proceedings, playing Smash Mouth’s 2005 Christmas album Gift of Rock on repeat for eight-hours nonstop.
As Dillo Day approaches, the Northwestern Student body at large is counting the days and wondering: who will be the final two acts? With the announcements that both Walk the Moon and Danny Brown will be performing, along with the expected announcement of Smash Mouth, students and arbitrary townies of Evanston now wait with baited breath to learn who else will be whetting their Dillo palates. After extensive research and multiple FOIA requests, we at Sherman Ave have narrowed the list of potential performers down to five artists who we believe, while they may not all be fan favorites, are the acts that are most likely to fill those spots. In no particular order:
“Daft Punk has a new album coming out? I didn’t know that!” – Nobody
1. Daft Punk
With their new album Random Access Memories set for a May 17th release, what better place to promote it than at the spring festival for a medium-sized private university in Evanston, Illinois? Not only would Dillo Day be excellent exposure for the grossly under-promoted French electronic duo, but such a gig would be a great platform from which to kick off a surprise tour of North America. Daft Punk would most likely be the nighttime headliner, and, not to editorialize, but such a slot could prove problematic for the duo, as they would have to fill the very large shoes of last year’s nighttime headliner, Steve Aoki. Speaking of which…
Sherman Ave 