A House-by-House Recap of Sorority Preview

House #1
PNM (Potential New Member): Oh man, am I excited for recruitment! Joining a sorority sure seems like a great way to meet new people and build strong support syst—OH GOD WHY ARE THEY ALL CHANTING, WHAT HAVE I GOTTEN MYSELF INTO??

“ONE OF US. ONE OF US.”

House #2
Sorority Sister: So tell me about yourself?
PNM: OH GOD HOW DO I RESPOND??? AHHHHHHHHHHHH

House #3
PNM: So they keep calling these parties, where’s all the booze and boys? FUCK NOT SUPPOSED TO TALK ABOUT THOSE THINGS PLEASE DON’T REPORT ME TO PANHELLENIC AND SHUN ME FROM GREEK LIFE FOREVER

Sherman Ave’s Guide to a (Mostly) Sober Thanksgiving

It’s that time of year again.  The weather’s getting colder (kinda), the trees seem to have no problem with being naked, and my mother is encouraging me to get another flu shot “just to be safe.”  That’s right, it’s almost Thanksgiving! And as we approach the holiday in which the white Pilgrim settlers and the American Indians were able to celebrate the harvest in perfect harmony right before one group violently and unjustifiably slaughtered the other, I think it’s important that we consider a few ways in which we can make the upcoming holiday even better.