Tag Archives: Star of David

The Paliban Tours the Holy Land

24 Mar

She's totally sizing up that beard right now.

Oh, Sarah Palin, you’ve done it again. In a regrettably unsurprising turn of events, Sarah Palin has once again found a way to offend Jews everywhere. After landing in Israel yesterday, Palin displayed the lack of common sense that we know and laugh at — or cry over, depending on your point of view.

Clearly worried about not receiving the Jewish vote, Governor Mooselini brilliantly decided to tour the Holy Land while wearing a large Star of David. Sure she’s not Jewish, but darn it she cares! After her stellar politicking, there’s no doubt in anyone’s mind that Mama Grizzly’s savvy move has brought the support of Jews across America.

Winning over the Jewish vote, one wink at a time

“Oy, I thought she was just a schmuck before. [I] used to call her ‘Caribou Barbie’.” said Isaac Goldbergstein, a Chicago dentist.

“Always kvetching about Obama that one! Such a goshmeinkt,” added Goldbergstein’s wife Ethel, looking up from her copy of Angry Jewish Grandmother and its featured article, “How to Guilt Your Kids into Taking You to Dinner.”

As a result of Palin’s pandering, hundreds of thousands of elderly Jewish couples like the Goldbergsteins have joined the Grizzly-bandwagon. Among Palin’s many other gestures, she “wanted to touch the clay in the tunnel and then touch the water in the ritual bath,” according to Likud Knesset member Danny Danon, who accompanied Palin on her trip to the Western Wall.

Two of Palin's newly won-over supporters

“That whole ‘blood libel’ thing is in the past!” said Yonatan Faklempt, 19, a student at American Hebrew University. “She just isn’t the Wicked Witch of Wasilla anymore.”

Whatever the case, The Dickless Cheney seems to have turned over a new leaf — at least in the minds of much of the Jewish community. Whether or not it will affect Palin’s run in 2012 however is anyone’s guess. And if the Alaska Disasta’ has taught us anything, it’s that she is a true visionary. If she can see Russia from her house, then who knows how far she can gaze into the future?

Only time will tell.

-Josh Kopel