Is Mississippi State To Blame For The Titanic Sinking?

Last week, we published our first investigation into what role NU Football’s bowl opponent Mississippi State played in a historical tragedy: The Kennedy Assassination. This week we continue our investigation, this time looking into how MSU may be responsible for the sinking of the Titanic.

January 1st, we avenge Jack Dawson.

The Tragedy: On April 15, 1912, more than 1,500 people died as the RMS Titanic struck an iceberg on its maiden voyage and sunk in the North Atlantic. Much like Mississippi State’s season, the Titanic had been built up in the press and praised widely before running into real competition, which quickly sank it and destroyed its dreams of being remembered as anything but an unmitigated disaster.

Is Mississippi State To Blame For Kennedy’s Assassination?

But seriously.

The Tragedy: On Nov. 22, 1963, American president and lustful giver of penis John F. Kennedy was assassinated while driving in a motorcade through Dallas, Texas. Kennedy’s death robbed the nation of a popular president who had successfully told the Soviet Union do the fucking-itself thing, and robbed Kennedy of more of the blowjobs from Marilyn Monroe.