20 Things Northwestern Could Do with $10,000

(via nusports.com)

Northwestern University recently sent out an email with the five ideas proposed for the ASG 10K initiative, a program that gives the student body an opportunity to invest $10,000 to improve life around campus. However, I, the esteemed Reverend Turlington, frankly don’t like any of the ideas very much at all. $10,000 on Christmas lights? Come on. Here are 20 better things NU could do with $10,000:

1. Offer live entertainment in the dining halls
2. Construct a statue of Frances Willard
3. Found a

ASG Concerned About What Students Want for First Time in 12 Months

The three circles represent interlocking constituencies of ineffectiveness.

EVANSTON–In a surprising turn of events, the Northwestern Associated Student Government–the same organization who brought you great ideas like the “Let’s Get A Willie the Wildcat Statue” Initiative and the “Hey Guys, Remember That One Time We Actually Did Something?” campaign–has now developed a sense of concern and regard for the opinions of the Northwestern student body.

This roundabout represents a quick change in heart for ASG which, as recently as several weeks ago, told the Northwestern student body that only five-thousand dollars of the 10K initiative could go towards projects the students cared about because “Nobody cares about you! That’s why.”

5 Ways Northwestern Could Spend Ten Thousand Dollars

Vodka fountains. Think about it.

Last week, the Northwestern Associated Student Government released its four options for the possible recipients of the 10K Initiative funds. The information was met with one over-whelming response: ASG is allowed to do actual things? I thought they were just people who were really enthusiastic about writing their names in chalk across campus. And honestly, we here at Sherman Ave feel that buying ten-thousand dollars worth of chalk would have been a better investment of their money. However, instead of criticizing ASG, we thought it best to propose some other ways the 10K Initiative Funds could be spent.

Here are the top five ideas our staff came up with:

1. Helping the Keg Renew Its Lease
As all of you have probably heard, the City of Evanston and the anti-fun police have declared that they will be closing one of Northwestern’s top facilities: The Keg of Evanston. However, there is one thing that could change their minds: ten thousand dollars. While we understand the Keg’s lease is likely expensive due to the fact that it must own enough property to accommodate one quarter of the Evanston Township High School student body on a daily basis, we believe ten thousand dollars would be sufficient to keep the institution running until Mayor Tisdahl is called back to service at the nunnery.