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Tag Archives: stem cells

“I Only Have One Final,” Reports Dickhead

5 Jun
At least he has more time to focus on rushing Sig Nu.

At least he has more time to focus on rushing Sig Nu.

EVANSTON, Ill. – In a press conference this morning, some total dickhead announced to everyone that he only has one final this quarter.

“Yeah, it’s honestly really nice,” said the absolute douchesicle.  “Everyone else is really stressed, and I’m just sitting here chilling.  I just have one final next week, and it’s only on material from weeks 9 and 10.  How’s your finals week going?”

The Anusmelon’s announcement has been met with substantial public outcry, especially among Northwestern’s virgin engineer population.  In addition to organizing a march down Sheridan Road this afternoon to show solidarity for how much they despite this piece of human dogshit, the McCormick School of Engineering has planned a candlelight vigil for this evening to honor the gruesome death of fairness.

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