Advertisements
Tag Archives: Stephen Rees

Letter to the editor, from the editors

4 Feb

Please reference Vitamin C for additional ambiance:

Sometimes you start a blog your freshman year just for the hell of it. And sometimes, if you’re lucky, that blog grows in to one of the most important facets of your life, picking up over 50 additional writers along the way and garnering thousands of readers who, for some godforsaken reason, seem to enjoy our heinous publication.

Three years ago, I started Sherman Ave with the idea of making a site devoted to the culture of Evanston and Chicago. Peter Stein and Sir Edward Twattingworth III came along not much later, and took things to a whole new level. The next year brought a new generation of Aviators, including Chandler Dutton, who immediately became one of the site’s most important writers, editors, and leaders.

Continue reading

Advertisements

Top 10 Least Advisable Halloween Costumes

26 Oct

Awww, costumes used to be so cute...

It’s almost that time of the year again! No, not off-year election day. Sadly, not the end of finals yet. And no, we’re not even talking about my birthday. But something even more exciting is happening this weekend: Halloween!

Halloween at Northwestern is a magical experience, when the female undergrad population is magically transformed from Harvard rejects into sexy cheerleaders, sexy members of the Greek pantheon, sexy animals — even sexy Abraham Lincoln and John Wilkes Booth — while the guys are left to dress up as “writers” and try to get sexy Hilary Clinton’s phone number. But considering Northwestern’s proud tradition of outlandishly offensive Halloween costumes, it seemed necessary to take a brief moment to warn the student body of ten potential costumes that might not fit with the spirit of the holiday.*

10. Tim Pawlenty’s Presidential Campaign
The reanimated dead have always held a special place in American culture. That’s why zombies and Barbara Walters are still so popular today. But as cool as a zombie costume can be for Halloween, Tim Pawlenty’s presidential aspirations just aren’t such a good idea to bring back to life in costume form. Besides, nobody would even know your name.

Sir Twattingworth and Ross Packingham on a typical Wednesday night

9. Sir Edward Twattingworth III
Unless you’re going to a party with a “heinous” theme, you should probably avoid dressing up as Sir Edward Twattingworth III. As much as we’d love to see our fans don Twattingworth’s characteristic Ed Hardy t-shirt, camouflage parachute pants, gold chains, and bowler hat, we don’t want anybody to get mistaken for an ETHS sophomore and thrown out of a frat basement. If you want to show your support for Sir Twattingworth, we suggest dressing up as his betrothed to be, Pippa Middleton.

8. Dan Persa’s Achilles Tendon
Too soon, asshole. That broken tendon was more heartbreaking to the NU student population than the closing of Pomegranate, and more disappointing than watching a Northwestern secondary in pass protection. Somebody’s going to sack you for a loss like Kain Colter facing the blitz.

The good thing about the Qaddafi regime: nobody was bold enough to make the mistake of offering Almond Joys for Halloween

7. Colonel Qaddafi
This should be a pretty easy costume to cobble together. All you really need is to grow out some poor facial hair (easy enough for most Northwestern students), borrow your grandpa’s old sunglasses, and commit numerous crimes against humanity (start by playing Nickelback at every party you attend). The only drawback: that hipster in the Mubarak costume insisting that he was into Arab regimes before it was cool.

6. Fucksaw
Hilarious as this might still be, nobody wants to party with a dude wearing a dildo on his head. Alternative costume idea: dress as Professor J. Michael Bailey. All this requires is making incendiary comments about the basis of homosexuality, violating numerous ethical standards about psychology research, and showing everybody you meet foot fetish videos.

AHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!

5. Amy Winehouse
For somebody who already looked like a cross between a zombified Helena Bonham Carter and a New Orleans streetwalker while she was living, Ms. Winehouse might not be the best choice for this Halloween. Something about “insensitivity” might come up throughout the course of the night. Unless, of course, you use her death from alcohol poisoning as a public service announcement about the danger of imbibing, in which case your costume might be ill-advised for other reasons.

4. Chet Haze
This might seem brilliant at first, but upon further examination, dressing up as a talentless self-obsessed douche might not be a great idea. Especially as the odds of both you and Chet wearing the same black dago-t to a party are much higher on Halloween.

3. The 1%
This one just hits a little close to home. Seeing as many Northwestern students actually occupy the 1%, it can be kind of hard to protest inequality at an elite institution. Besides, it’s much easier and enjoyable to occupy The Keg than it is to stand outside of Kellogg in the Chicago fall to protest the future I-bankers of America.

2. Herman Cain
Side-stepping the whole potential “blackface” thing, this costume would probably involve a “9-9-9” Plan (i.e. doing 9 shots, getting 9 orders of chicken fries from BK, and urinating on nine university buildings), wearing a Godfather’s Pizza box instead of pants, and running for positions you are under-qualified for.

Partner costume: Casey Anthony before and after

1. Casey Anthony
Tempting, but don’t. Just don’t.

Continue reading

Willard Exec Board Endorsements

22 Feb

The pride and glory of this Residential College isn't going to perpetrate itself, bitches

The excitement in the air is almost as fervent as the atmosphere surrounding a primary for Congressional midterms as the election for next year’s Willard Exec Board rapidly approaches. Tomorrow night, Willardites will convene in the historic Rat Trap to determine which of their peers shall be elevated to the vaunted and estimable Willard Exec Board, a beloved group of civilian leaders who fearlessly govern the greatest Residential College known to man.

Suffice to say, this is a pretty big deal.

History has proven that it takes an educated constituency to elect the best officials to govern and protect a democracy (which certainly explains how Bachmann got elected). Here at Sherman Ave, we take our role as the 4th-most reviled Evanston-based news source very seriously, and, after much deliberation, have decided to throw the massive weight of our support behind three candidates whom we believe stand out so far from the field that they deserve recognition for their innate superiority over the others.

Ms. Chilton during a brief period of thoughtful repose

Vice President: Katie Chilton
Willard’s Vice President is one of the most venerable positions on the Exec Board, most recently occupied by the great Carol “Lieutenant of Lusciousness” Li. Willard Vice President is a job that requires the charisma of a puppy, the mental fortitude of Bobby Fischer, and the ability to count (for housing points). Ms. Chilton has all of these prerequisite skills, and then some. With the political dexterity to both befriend all of Willard’s 2011-2012 Class in three days with her batshit-insane antics, and then turn around and pull all the necessary strings on the Exec Board to get things done, Chilton is the clear frontrunner and superior candidate.

Also, Ms. Chilton has promised that, if elected, she will upgrade Willard’s toilet paper to at least single-ply, always keep a free supply of warm chocolate chip cookies in her room, reinstate the annual Frances Willard Party (including the necessary keg on the roof), and create the new traditional “Naked March through the Arch.”

Clearly, this is a man you can trust to handle your dues

Treasurer: John Taseff
Little is known about this elusive Whiz Kid from the 4th floor, besides the shadowy rumors one hears around the sorority quad. Apparently, Mr. Taseff once fought, and defeated, 5 truckers in an Alaskan roadhouse after a heated dispute about the best way to beat Bobba Fett in Shadows of the Empire (for N64), was the creator of Google, Wikipedia, and College ACB, and is a close personal friend of Ben Bernanke (not to mention sworn enemy of Alan Greenspan).

His favorite economic phenomenon is a perfectly elastic market, his ideal dinner date includes Bulbasaur and Friedrich Engels, and his least favorite operating system is Linux. Needless to say, Mr. Taseff is over-qualified, not to mention over-awesome, for the job of Willard Treasurer.

Don't even TRY and deny this jawline

Secretary: Stephen Rees
At first, Mr. Rees might seem like your typical “breathtakingly handsome yet surprisingly humble, intelligent, and funny” run of the mill guy, but once you get to know him, he’s so much more! As Secretary, Rees’ most important duty would be composing and distributing the popular publication “Shits N’ Giggles,” hopefully at a rate somewhat faster than the current speed, which is about as quick as a turtle with a heroin addiction. With his astounding wit and intellect, Rees is guaranteed to leave you both shitless and giggled out by the end of your stay in the stalls.

But Rees’ credentials extend much further than his impeccable comedic style. A Noble Laureate, Head Writer for Saturday Night Live circa 1975, and co-founder/editor of the popular blog Sherman Ave, Mr. Rees has displayed time after time his understanding and mastery of American literature and humor. We cannot stress how kickass of a Secretary Stephen Rees would make, or just how much the survival of all that is beloved about Willard relies on his election.

Hopefully, these endorsements prove helpful in the upcoming elections. No matter what, we have complete faith and trust in the ability of the democratic process to elect the best candidates for the Willard Exec Board. If not, we’d be no better than our despised, tyrannical neighbors, the Evans Scholars.

-The Sherman Ave Editorial Staff