5 Weird Twitter Accounts You Need To Follow Right Now

You think you know what Twitter is, don’t you? You’ve heard foggy old newscasters pontificate about how it sparks revolutions in the Middle East, and you’ve listened to IMC professors talk about using it to build your “personal brand” (like, don’t forget, DON’T EVER FORGET that retweets do not fucking equal endorsements).

Although you were initially freaked out by seeing all your friends constantly retweeting a middle-aged guy in a speedo, you’ve come to enjoy reading Rob Delaney tweet at Wolf Blitzer asking if Flowers For Algernon was a true story. You know how to use hashtags to draw attention to your tweets from people you’ll never meet, but are still self-aware enough to laugh when Schmidt says “hashtag” out loud on New Girl.

All in all, you feel confident in your grasp of Twitter, like the #millenial that you are.

Oh, child.

My poor, poor child.

A Line-By-Line Analysis of Selena Gomez’s “Love Will Remember” Feat. Voicemail From Justin

Like that couple whose Facebook walls read like a day-to-day update of how much they love each other at that moment, Justin and Selena just can’t seem to stop writing songs about each other. Unlike status-happy couples, she apparently gave him a heads-up that it was coming.

Hey babe it’s me, I just wanted to call to tell you that I love you so so so so much – just wanted to let you know that you are my princess, you are worthy of all of the love in the world, you are the love of my life. [1]

Gomez begins her song not with her own voice but with a literal quote from the JBiebz, to remind the listener that this song is definitely written for him. In another interpretation, Justin Bieber got drunk and tried to be Sinatra, and Selena heard the echoes of a killer marketing strategy.