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Tag Archives: student center

Norris Replaces Subway With Troughs of “Food Slop”

23 Oct

Pictured: Slop from the “Rick Bayless” trough, which only costs an extra $4.75 per handful.

EVANSTON, Ill. — In a press conference earlier today, Norris Center’s executive director Kelly Schaefer announced that the student center has closed the recently opened Subway restaurant and replaced it with troughs of “food slop.”

“Over the past few weeks, we’ve received a massive influx of negative student feedback following the opening of a Subway restaurant in Norris Center to provide healthy dining options for students. In response to this radical response we’ve decided that you can all go Continue reading

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Northwestern to Break Ground on Huge Fucking Inconvenience in 2015

8 Oct
Just the cherry on top that your day needed.  Source: Some jackass architect

Just the cherry on top that your day needed.
Source: Some jackass architect

EVANSTON, Ill. – Explaining that nothing was more important than the future of Northwestern University and its students, university president Morton Schapiro announced plans to break ground on Northwestern’s newest massive inconvenience by Fall of 2015.

“We could not be more excited about getting started on this project,” President Schapiro insisted of the enormous eye-sore of a construction site, which will begin to frustrate students as soon as the current gigantic annoyance is underway.

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30 More Things That Go Through The Mind Of Every Northwestern Student (Almost) Every Day

30 Apr
Is it true that Morty once took Margaret Thatcher to a nice dinner and never called her back?

Is it true that Morty once took Margaret Thatcher to a nice dinner and never called her back?

Because 33 things that go through the mind of every Northwestern student (almost) every day just wasn’t enough.

1) OF ALL THE GIN JOINTS IN ALL THE WORLD WHY DID TISDAHL HAVE TO SHUT DOWN MINE.

2) No but it’s fine The Keg wasn’t that great I’ll just go somewhere else in Evanston OH MY GOD THERE IS NO WHERE ELSE.

3) TIIIIIISSSSSSSDAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL

4) It’s April. Why the fuck do I need to wear a Northface in April.

5) If BK was a McDonalds I would be broke and fat.

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Sherman Ave Freshman Guide: Bicycles at NU

14 Aug

Testicular cancer? No way bro.

Before I came to Northwestern, it had been 3 years since I had ridden a bicycle for, well, socially acceptable purposes. Like most high school students, I felt that riding a bicycle was incredibly lame compared to owning a car, and even though most students at my high school did not own a car, getting a ride from your mom was still considered cooler than riding your bicycle (LOGIC BOMB). Nowadays, riding your bike is “hip,” “cool,” “environmentally friendly,” “a political endorsement of socialism,” etc. At Northwestern, riding your bike is a super viable way of getting to such important locations as: the student center that no one is close to; that place on Clarke that’s practically off-campus but for some reason they have classes there; your local alcohol purveyor; and many more. It’s important to understand whether owning and operating a bicycle at NU is the right decision for you. The following is a personal 2nd amendment-centric manifesto confessional sexual novel handy guide on biking at NU.

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