The Types of Men You Encounter While Abroad

Aren’t we all sick of the typical “Study Abroad Blog”? I mean, it’s #amazing and #lifechanging that you saw the “Le Tour Eiffel” and drank wine in Sicily and went to that weird building in Barcelona. You got a picture with a camel and underprivileged children? That’s really amazing!

I’ve never seen anything quite like it! For the past 6 minutes, that is.

So, just a warning, if you are abroad, I speak for most everyone–no one reads your blog aside from your extended family. If you’re lucky, maybe your mother leaves it open for your cat to take naps next to. But that’s it.

A cat nap: Sleeping on someone else’s electronics and/or fresh laundry. Like an asshole.

Let’s be real, the only blog people would really want to read would be about sexcapades. We don’t want to hear about how you went to a coffee shop in Amsterdam; we want to hear about how you made your cash in the red light district to pay for said coffee shop.

While you’re abroad, as long as you act the 100% opposite of a Northwestern student (aka never step foot in the library and make eye contact with, well, anyone,) then you’re guaranteed to meet some incredible people who will change your outlook on life (#clicheforareason). That being said, these people will likely fall into certain categories, and this is taking a moment to dwell on all of the wonderful men in your life, the ones who won’t quite make the blog.

3 Tips to cope with that Summertime Sadness

Summer is winding down now, and we are all ready to be back at school. For those of us who are just as weird as Lana del Rey and nowhere near as pretty, summertime sadness is some real shit. Everyone seems to fall into a summer category: working a kickass internship at some awesome company; partying like old times with your high school biddies; “studying” abroad or just being a generally wealthy person who gets to “summer” in Athens for funsies; or finally, being forced to remember why you hated your hometown in the first place.

I, unfortunately, fall into the last category. Subheading: bored housewife training.

When in Cuba, Try Not to Make an Ass of Yourself

Where Pintos are almost as rampant as cigars and political repression.

In lieu of  the ”OH EHM GEE you guys look at all these pictures of my summer abroad, oh my gawd I’m having the most incredible adventure”  Facebook album, I’ve opted to express my feelings on Cuba, a truly beautiful country, through a more heinous medium (wait let’s be honest I’m still posting Facebook pictures. The only reason there aren’t more is that the internet is slow as balls).

Cuba is incredible and different from anywhere I’ve ever been. I learned a shit-ton in five weeks, but I’m still very much an outsider. But my Spanish is better and I have an increased penchant for rum. My salsa moves, however, are still a work in progress. The hope is that after three more weeks I’ll look less like an epileptic chicken.

“OMG Study Abroad was SOOOO Life Changing!” Reports Annoying Douchebag

Douche Croissants

EVANSTON–After returning from a 5-month study abroad program located in Paris, France, Sally Peterson (Weinberg ’14) reportedly spent the next month and a half being an annoying prick about how life-changing the experience was.

Those who have spoken to Peterson since she returned have said that she “literally will not shut the fuck up about study abroad and how cultured she is.”

27 Thoughts That Go Through the Mind of a College Student on Summer Break (Almost) Every Day

Nothing goes with a cigarette quite like a coronarita and the threat of VD.

1. “I wonder how many times I’ll have to scan this same file.”

2. “No, no – I didn’t come here for a learning experience, I came here to fetch your coffee and pretend to care about your stories.”

3. “What is it even like to be outside during the day?”

4. “New puppy post on Buzzfeed? Sorry responsibilities, you’ll have to wait.”

7 Steps to Studying Abroad

DAT ASS THO

Study Abroad has been the absolute thing to do ever since Hillary Duff took her talents to Italy in The Lizzie McGuire Movie. Dudes, when that movie first came out you were what, like 9 years old, right? Well now you’re in college, and you’re old enough to have a sexual encounter with Lizzie if you meet her abroad after all of these years of carefully planning your pick up line and follow-up high five.  Or if you’re a chick you’re old enough to have hopefully seen the movie Taken, so you’re balancing the upside of a hot European soccer dude with the downside of a  Romanian with a syringe. Anyway, you’ve got to experience culture and shit or whatever, so here’s the realest way to do study abroad:

ASG Int’l Blitzkrieg Campaign Remains Unappeased

Because haircuts should mirror bird plummage

Strutting through an Italian plaza (if you don’t strut they won’t know you’re American) the other day, I was enjoying just another day in the life. Curses from the enfeebled elderly couple I elbowed out of my way, glares from the feathered mohawk Euro-bag regarding my outfit of baggy jeans and a North Face, and the utter contempt of the only people who know English here, the miserably poor Indian men marketing their shitty lighters (luckily they can understand “Today’s just like yesterday, asshole, I ain’t buyin’”). When, lo, to my surprise, I was warmly greeted by a friendly, well-fed, terribly-dressed collegian.

“Hey, I’m out supporting Ani for ASG President, and we’re really interested in how annual term study-abroad students can have their Northwestern Experience brought to the next level!”

Blown away by the touching interest that ASG campaigners take in their student body, I spat on the ground and cursed “No one wants you here, gypsy” in Italian. I was completely flabbergasted and responded in the fashion of my new motherland (in fact the elderly couple from earlier witnessed the whole exchange and sweetly clasping my hand they said “Damn Albanians”).

Study Abroad Student Shockingly Takes Picture Riding Camel

Cho’s camel, lamenting the demanding lifestyle of a stupid fucking camel.

RABAT, MOROCCO – In a wholly unprecedented move, Northwestern University junior Jeffrey Cho posted a picture of himself riding a camel to his Facebook timeline earlier this afternoon, sources report.

Cho, who has been studying abroad in Madrid since late August, had reportedly gone on a weekend trip to Morocco with four friends from his program.  He had told his parents in a Skype session last week that it would likely include “some type of desert excursion.”

Jeffrey’s father, Richard, admitted that he was especially shocked when he saw the picture on Facebook.

Italian Madness

Wait, that’s not the David!

I’ve begun to wonder what marks the difference between sanity and madness.

Sure, I’ve been reading Moby Dick off and on, you know, for pleasure.  And of course the diary of an Italian suicide that I’m studying doesn’t particularly pop with, let’s say, cheeriness.