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Tag Archives: studying

Student Who Spent Friday Night in Library Unaware That “These Are the Days”

24 Feb
The student in question, enjoying the best years of his life.

The student in question, enjoying the best years of his life.

EVANSTON, IL – Reports from Mudd Library have confirmed that the engineer hard at work this past Friday night has not yet figured out that his college years will, by default, be remembered as the highlight of his youth.  The student is reportedly oblivious to the fact that in 20 years his middle-aged self will frequently reminisce about his years in college, murmuring to himself, “Those were the days,” while he gazes wistfully out the window of his office building.

The aging senior manager will then resignedly sigh as he rests his head on his hand and recalls how he used to toss the ol’ Frisbee with “the guys” on the quad before a weekend of “hittin’ the sauce”, an activity that made up less than .001% of his college career.

Through continued monitoring of the situation, it was confirmed that Continue reading

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How To Fail Your Finals Gracefully: An Urgent Letter From Your Exceptionally Well-Prepared Classmates

9 Dec

Hey there. Hi. Yes, you.

You, the person we’ve never seen in this class before. You, the one who tried to cram 7 equations and 168 pages the night before (160 pages because you skipped the real-world example blurbs). Let us introduce ourselves.

We are the members of the class that make up that 100-level distro you thought would be easy but woops you forgot at Northwestern every class is weed-out.  You may not know this but we hang out a lot. Where ,you may ask? Only every single one of the professor’s office hour session, and we haven’t seen you at a single one. In fact, we can’t even remember seeing you at one of the professor’s intimate home-cooked dinner parties either.

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12 Reasons Why Going to School Somewhere Cold is Awesome

12 Nov

1. Never having to slather your body in the ectoplasmic goo known as sunscreen

2. When you inevitably put on Freshman 15, no one will notice

This woman actually weighs 190 lbs

This woman actually weighs 190 lbs

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A Non-Engineer’s Guide to Camping Out in Tech

25 Sep

It’s a Friday afternoon, you need to get some work done before you go to that theater party tonight and you’re tired of Main Library because that building looks like an alien spaceship ate 700 bags of Ready Mix concrete and took a 3-hour shit right on the Lakefill’s backyard.

So you figure now is as good a time as any to check out the dungeon where Dick Cheney sucks the blood out of goats Tech.

Allow me to inform you that you have fucked up now.

After 4 minutes and 35 seconds of trying Continue reading

Sherman Ave Freshman Guide: Res College Power Rankings

27 Jul

Well camouflaged into the surrounding sorority habitat.

Residential Colleges at Northwestern are designed to enrich the intellectual, cultural, and social lives of their students by extending the learning environment from the classroom to extracurricular life. Essentially, a res college is a dorm filled with like-minded nerds and future friends you’ll spend the next couple of years drinking, arguing, and (for the truly venturous souls) hooking upwith.

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Sherman Ave Freshman Guide: Campus

23 Aug

Just remember: The lake is East

I’m going to be brutally honest: Your first week on campus is going to be awkward as tits. Think of that time you watched Superbad with your parents, combine it with that time Severus Snape’s doppelganger was lurking at The Keg, multiply that by twenty, and that’s roughly how awkward it’s going to be. However, one surefire way to minimize this apocalyptic awkwardness is by knowing your way around campus; the Awk Hawk loves nothing more than watching a lanyard-sporting freshman discreetly approach a group of upperclassmen and feebly ask for directions to Sheridan Road. Therefore, in my never-ending mission to better the world around me and help those in need, I have developed a descriptive blueprint of the nation’s 47th most attractive campus.

KEY BUILDINGS

Tech

Also sporting the least coherent room numbering system known to man

Soon to be known as “that one building we drunkenly roamed three times a week during fall quarter,” the Technological Institute (Tech, for short) is one of the main buildings on campus. This North Campus structure – as any tour guide will obnoxiously boast – is the 2nd largest low-rise building in the United States, right behind the Pentagon (a building which, ruefully, is much harder to get into at 3:30am on a Saturday). Home to science majors, math majors, and a few other majors that appeal solely to Asians, Tech is a very mysterious entity to many South Campus students. I would certainly advise the intoxicated exploration of this building, but beware: Your idea to bathe in the emergency shower on the way back from the Frat Quad is not as brilliant as it may seem.

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