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Tag Archives: Subway

If Holden Caulfield Did Dance Marathon

6 Mar
King of the phony-haters. (via Wikipedia)

King of the phony-haters. (via Wikipedia)

IF YOU REALLY want to hear about it, the first thing you’ll probably want to know is why I decided to do Dance Marathon, how I got to Northwestern, and what the lousy Subway sandwich I ate right before Block 1 started was like, and all that Morty Schapiro kind of crap, but I don’t feel like going into it, because, in the first place, that stuff bores me, and in the second place, I’ve been up for about forty hours straight and I feel like hell, like absolute hell.  I’m not kidding.

Where I want to start telling is the moment I walked into Norris, which is this old crumby building that’s by this goddamn lake, which is right next to an even bigger goddamn lake.  I felt kind of cold, so I decided to put on my red hunting hat, because I get cold really easy.  It’s true.  I’m seventeen goddamn years old, and I get the shivers and aches and goddamn pneumonia every goddamn month, for chrissake.

Anyway, they took us to this room and all, and all of these kids – and this just killed me – Continue reading

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This Is Sober Privilege

19 Nov
Mmmmmm privilege

Mmmmmm privilege

Throughout my collegiate career, I have often noticed sober people’s unwillingness to grant that they are overprivileged, even though they may grant that drunk people are disadvantaged in society. While they may support assisting drunks and drunk rights, sobers often deny that they, as sobers, gain advantages from drunks’ disadvantages. These denials protect sober privilege from being fully acknowledged, lessened, or ended. Sober people are taught to see their lives as normal, neutral, and average, and also ideal, so that when they work to benefit others it is seen as work that will allow “them” (drunks) to be more like “us” (sobers).

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Norris Replaces Subway With Troughs of “Food Slop”

23 Oct

Pictured: Slop from the “Rick Bayless” trough, which only costs an extra $4.75 per handful.

EVANSTON, Ill. — In a press conference earlier today, Norris Center’s executive director Kelly Schaefer announced that the student center has closed the recently opened Subway restaurant and replaced it with troughs of “food slop.”

“Over the past few weeks, we’ve received a massive influx of negative student feedback following the opening of a Subway restaurant in Norris Center to provide healthy dining options for students. In response to this radical response we’ve decided that you can all go Continue reading

The Official Sherman Ave Yelp

27 Aug

With a Yelp review, a back story reigns supreme over the actual quality of a venue.  Yelpers let the world know who they are, where they’ve been and where they’re going, much like a rapper’s first album.  Writers Cobra Lederham and Ross Packingham entered the crowded Evanston Yelp review market to Continue reading

In Which I Wax Poetic on Hamburgers

14 Mar
You've gotten me through so much, Edzo's.

You’ve gotten me through so much, Edzo’s.

Hamburger you disgust me.

Hamburger I don’t care where you came from.
I don’t know where to find you on a cow, or a horse
or whatever else you may be made of.
Secretly I find the mystery exciting.

Hamburger I know you’ve been getting fatter over the years
but that’s alright.
I had a brief affair with Subway and she’s been good to me,
but you’ll always have more to love.

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The Top Ten Things That Make Cobra Lederham’s Day

7 Dec
Then apply the Sherman Ave. We need people like you.

Consult a doctor immediately if this picture does not warm the frigid cockles of your heart.

Presented herein void of context, editorial insight, or drilldo references.

10.)     Waking up to discover I’ve done my dishes while blacked out – Turns out this maid also cooks great chili and likes to piss on the only rug in my apartment.

9.)       Finding that no one stole my bike and/or bike wheels – Every day is a blessing.

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