A Guide to August Blockbusters Based Solely On The Movie Posters

Summer is, by far, the best season for movies.  After all, can you think of a better way to enjoy sunny, beautiful weather than by sitting in a dark room for several hours while watching other people doing things on a giant screen? No, you can’t! Since I live in LA — and thus know more about movies than anybody else in the world — I figured I would save you the trouble of researching what movies you will see this August by providing you with a brief premise for each of the big blockbusters coming soon to a masturbation den theater near you! While I haven’t actually seen any of these movies, I HAVE seen their posters, and so I can totally give a 100% accurate synopsis.