Sherman Ave Interviews: Renee Engeln-Maddox (Part 2 of 2)

Earlier this summer, Sherman Ave editors Ross Packingham and Sir Edward Twattingworth III interviewed Psychology professor and Allison Hall live-in Renee Engeln-Maddox at Sherman Ave Headquarters.  If any cultural references seem slightly out of date, it’s because that’s what happens when we decide to wait to publish interviews for three months due to reasons.

Read Part 1 here.

The professor who will forever be remembered as “the one who couldn’t remember twerk or flabongo.”

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Packingham: When someone asks you what courses you teach, do you ever just go, “Intro to SIIIIIIKE!” and punch them in the genitals?

[silence]

Renee: If I’d thought of it…

Twattingworth: Follow-up, will you start doing that now?

Renee: Do I have to punch them? Cause that could hurt my back. What about like a kick? Or a knee? And I’d have to do the “SIIIIIIKE!” better than that. You need to get the “IIIIIIIII” a little higher.

My “Review” of a “Relevant” Punk Band

Some say that the Cuban Missile Crisis was a huge source of inspiration for these old dudes.

We entered the train and almost immediately got in trouble. My roommate talked me into going to a concert at the Metro, where we would be seeing the Zero Boys, a punk rock band that was big and influential for about half a year in the early 80’s. With a deep devotion for one-hit wonders, she is a devotee of the early punk rock scene, an enthusiasm she refers to as “a curse.” Her excitement was contagious though, and we got on the El while gabbing about our respective summertime occupations. We sat down behind an old man who looked like he’s hit a few people with belts back in the day, and she loudly groaned that all of her coworkers were fucking up. This made the old man to turn around gruffly and give her a scorching look that said he knew exactly where we’re going when we die. This made me feel really really punk, and I was now ready for the show.

Walking up to the venue, I realized we were the only people there not wearing all black, and for the most part the youngest. A guy in front of us in line for 21+ bracelets was wearing a cool vest and had sweet tattoos (Krusty the Clown without skin and Cthulhu were on either elbow), but my roommate called him a “fashion punk” with disdain. These scenesters apparently got gussied up for punk shows, which my roommate could not abide, but he seemed alright to me in a sort of friendly rockabilly way.

In Post-Soviet Russia, Toilet Uses You: Сехтой в России, Part 1

Squatty potties decided the Cold War.

Khrushchev didn’t come to an agreement with Kennedy because he wanted to avoid a nuclear apocalypse; he phoned in the Cuban Missile Crisis in because he really didn’t want to negotiate with JFK while using one of the Politburo’s standing-room-only toilets. Gorbachev didn’t tear down the wall and end the Communist era because Reagan said so; he simply was tired of taking a shit standing up.

NYET.

A Game-By-Game Recap of NU’s Football Season

Man, did we get blueballed this season or what?

It was a lot like taking a detour to class through Kellogg to get a Jolly Rancher: sure the only ones left are the grape and even though everyone hates grape Jolly Ranchers, well at least it’s better than nothing. You also managed to avoid walking outside in the cold for another two minutes so all in all you came out better than you normally would have. With a feeling akin to soul-crushing emptiness but you root for Northwestern so don’t get greedy goddamnit.

With clear eyes and full hearts, let’s examine the season that was(n’t).

Taco Bell Announces Plan to Expand in Colorado, Washington

A Taco Bell location, proudly serving some of the best Mexican food one can find within 45 feet of Taco Bell.

Irvine, CA – Taco Bell CEO Greg Creed announced earlier this afternoon that the fast food restaurant chain was planning to open 75 new locations in Colorado and Washington.

The move comes as a shock to many, especially considering that much of the company’s annual budget has already been exhausted promoting and debuting the “Doritos Locos” taco.

“I will admit that, while we do feel this move is strategic, it is also sudden,” explained Creed.  “We’re acting upon a very reliable and certain recommendation from our marketing department, which has spent the last several years analyzing the market for food that is inexpensive but still delicious.  However, they recently shifted their focus to the market for food that is just inexpensive, and we feel that entering that market is a shrewd financial play.”

Creed added: “Besides, there’s no good Mexican food in Colorado.”

Residents of the two states have demonstrated mixed reactions to this announcement, but there are an overwhelming number of proponents of the expansion.

“This is, like, seriously awesome,” stated Spruce Thompson, a 32-year-old unemployed resident of Boulder, Colorado.  “Especially if there’s a Taco Bell, like downstairs.  Oh man.  I would go there all the time.  Remember how cool that chihuahua was when he advertised for Taco Bell?  Seriously unbelievable.  Talking Chihuahua, that stuff’s brilliant.  Blew my mind.”

No other residents of Boulder could be reached for questioning.

Sherman Ave Freshman Guide: Libations at NU

What most intoxicated freshmen look like to us.

So you’re going off to NU this fall, eh? You like to party hard? NO YOU DON’T, HIGH SCHOOLER. Now that we have that aside, let me be your tour guide around the beautiful bar that is the NU campus.

BEER
No shit you’re going to find beer. What did you expect? Prepare for keg beer, Keystone Light, Busch Light, and PBR galore. Occasionally you’ll find something else, but don’t get excited. For the love of God, please do not drink the bottles if you find any in a fridge! That shit is stealing and is uncool. Be thankful enough that NU’s frats don’t charge like asshole state schools. We’re nice like that. Don’t trash the place.

Girl Talk at Congress Theater

Gillis gets his mashup on at the Congress Theater

Girl Talk. Say the name and you’ll invoke either confused stares (you mean when two girls have a conversation?) or swoons. For all those who are sane and awesome, the primary response is definitely swooning and awe. And at his concert Saturday night at the Congress theater, good old Gregg Gillis, a.k.a. “Girl Talk,” did not disappoint his loyal legions of followers.

Lessons learned at Girl Talk:

Gregg Gillis truly is a god among men.
Sitting through the first two opening acts was worth it just to hear Gregg push buttons on a keyboard. There are very few people who can legitimize the pushing of buttons as a talent, and he is one of them. Girl Talk played a bunch of his newer mixes from “All Day,” but kept things lively by not just using samples the audience would have heard before. Instead he mixed things up, keeping the dance party fun and bumpin’. (In many cases, quite literally bumping. But I’ll get to that later.) His remix of “Shout!” was probably one of the best things ever — the sold out theater thought nothing of crouching onto the disgusting, beer-covered floor and “gettin’ a little bit softer now.” Nothing would have made me touch that floor unless Girl Talk commanded me to. Also, for those with some PITTSBURGH PRIDE, there was a quality remix of Black and Yellow that personally melted my heart. (Girl Talk is a Pittsburgh native, suckas. Interestingly enough, so is Christina Aguilera.). Gregg even whipped out some classics, like a mix of “Jesse’s Girl” with “BUT I’D RATHER GET SOME HEAD” thrown in. Good stuff.

We assume that the same person who did Kanye's "All the Lights" video was also responsible for Girl Talk's lighting

The visual elements were also sick. The constantly changing lights behind Gillis on stage were absolutely insane. (Also a quick shoutout to the opening act who had a scene from The Room incorporated into one of his songs.) The audience was frequently barraged with artillery raining down from the sky — balloons, confetti, etc. — which only made the show even more fun and chaotic.

Overall, Girl Talk kept things funky fresh and superb. His ability to make hipsters flail their arms and dance wildly instead of headnodding is unchallenged. Ain’t no party like a Girl Talk dance party.

Grow a pair. Or pregame harder.
The only problem with Girl Talk concerts, quite honestly, is the crowd. Back in the good old days, when Gregg was performing at smaller venues in Pittsburgh — Mr. Small’s, this is your shoutout — the crowd was fun and goofy. If you wanted to climb on stage with your friends, it was pretty easy. Everyone respected your dance space. One time, on stage, Girl Talk announced he wanted Taco Bell. So he got some — and then upon leaving, bouncers handed out burritos to everyone. Girl Talk had ordered Taco Bell for everyone in the audience. Nowadays, it’s not as personal of an atmosphere. As a chica barely over five feet, I can (and do) get my shit wrecked by pushy high schoolers, which, while embarrassing, is mostly just annoying.

Sweaty-bastard overload

The crowd at the Congress was particularly rowdy. Getting to the front row basically required a willingness to never let your feet to touch the ground, instead simply being pushed violently from side to side. It was a feeling similar to being hit with tsunami waves simultaneously from all sides. So that was unfortunate. This phenomenon leaves the audience members with two options: either accept the imminent crushing of infinite sweaty bodies, or push back. Or a perfect compromise: go to the side a wee bit, still dance intensely, but avoid being elbowed in the face about twenty times. And then just go to town and not give a crap about who you hit with your own elbows. It’s a dog eat dog world out there, people.

The Verdict:
Prepare to get extremely sweaty, pushed around by high schoolers who think they are cool and moshers who are a little desperate for human contact. Did I get sweaty? Yes. Did I have drinks spilled on me? Yes. Was it fucking awesome? YES.

–Alison Decker