A Line-by-Line Analysis of Miley Cyrus’ “We Can’t Stop”

Miley Cyrus, daughter of notable country star and probable redneck Billy Ray Cyrus, has long been an object of media scrutiny.  However, she has changed all of this with the release of her new video “We Can’t Stop.”  This video sets Miley apart, as she takes on subject matters rarely heard in pop music such as partying, and hooking up with others.  However, not all of us are smart and mature enough to understand Miley, because she’s really artsy and mature now and we just don’t understand her because she’s that fucking deep.  So as someone who took an english class once[1], I’ll do the service of explaining this magnificent song elucidating its meaning to those not capable of understanding.[2]

World’s Worst: Animal Species

Do NOT, under any circumstances, give this animal “Bill Clinton sex.”

If there is a God, why didn’t He command Noah to throw these assholes overboard?

Dolphins
It is a well-known fact that dolphins are smart motherfuckers. This is what makes them so awful. Evolutionary theorists claim that all mammals, including dolphins, evolved as land-dwelling creatures, but dolphins were evicted back to the sea after they organized and attempted to “eliminate the Koala Problem.”  Dolphins are also responsible for 10% of drownings of children under twelve. They have been known to put on Bill Clinton masks and pose as mermaids to small girls, who immediately either choke on whatever saltwater they’re swimming in or instinctively stop treading water to tightly cross their legs.