An Argument for No Northwestern University Classes on Presidents Day

Fuck yeah. (via deviantart)

In 1776, one country dawned in a time of great uncertainty. The Communists hated the freedoms of this new nation conceived in liberty; the Canadians – the Canadians![1] – would soon go on to defeat this new country in war (twice); the leader of this republic, George Washington, was battling dentures, a vicious, dirty campaign from Frank Underwood (spoiler alert, sorry), and the Germans on the Western Front. But from all of this emerged a beautiful, proud nation. A nation that celebrated its leaders.

Yes, Northwestern University Administration, I am talking about America. And yes, Northwestern University Administration, this nation – OUR nation – beat the odds. From those dark times emerged

A Mad-Lib of an Email from Northwestern’s Administration

Dear Northwestern community members:

This (holiday involving drinking and debauchery), as we plan celebrations and other holiday activities, I want to take a moment and share a few (plural nouns).  (Same holiday involving drinking and debauchery) often allows us to (verb) with friends and family while also contributing to the Northwestern and Evanston communities through (event you probably haven’t attended).