Northwestern Shuttle Missing for Ten Days; Found in Lake Michigan

Pictured: the approximate search area for the missing bus.

EVANSTON, IL – A bus along Sheridan containing a full load of zero passengers recently disappeared from campus. After ten days of intense lounging-about, authorities announced that they believe the bus was driven into Lake Michigan.

“Once we finally left the police station, we noticed the bus sized holes through Kellogg and the Main Library. Honestly, at first we assumed this was just the typical decrepit state of the campus buildings, but after following the trail through Einstein’s and Core 1N we noticed a bus-like-object face down in the lake” explained Head of Campus Police Ross Sweet.

Medill sophomore Tiffany Jenkinson pointed to the SGA’s failings: “If only we had spent our 10K on black box program for the buses, we would have more complete record of what exactly happened; the debris, tire tracks, and witnesses just can’t paint the same picture as an audio recording of the deafening silence as the empty bus plunged into the depths of Lake Michigan.”

A Play-by-Play Analysis of Virgin America’s New Safety Video (in GIFs, of course)

A few days ago Virgin America released the new safety video that they will show passengers before flights take off.

I would like to emphasize the fact that that this video was made by real, debatably sane people. This is real life. And it’s terrifying. Here are some GIFs from the video that show how truly, truly heinous this whole ordeal is.

The 7 Types of People You Meet on Chicago Public Transportation

7.  The costumed horror

It is impossible to frequently ride the El without running into someone wearing a costume that simply cannot be explained.  Whether it’s a group of young Asian men dressed as the Teletubbies or two middle-aged women dressed as salt and pepper shakers, every costumed horror will bring a mixture of confusion and awe to your CTA experience.  If you ride the CTA on Halloween night, you will see everything you never wanted to see and you will never be able to live your life as you once did.