Norris Replaces Subway With Troughs of “Food Slop”

Pictured: Slop from the “Rick Bayless” trough, which only costs an extra $4.75 per handful.

EVANSTON, Ill. — In a press conference earlier today, Norris Center’s executive director Kelly Schaefer announced that the student center has closed the recently opened Subway restaurant and replaced it with troughs of “food slop.”

“Over the past few weeks, we’ve received a massive influx of negative student feedback following the opening of a Subway restaurant in Norris Center to provide healthy dining options for students. In response to this radical response we’ve decided that you can all go