How To Get Fired From Your Unpaid Internship

I’m a junior in Northwestern University’s Medill School of Journalism. This summer, I got ‘fired’ from my unpaid editorial internship after The Atlantic published an article that I’d written.

That’s the lead. The full story is a little more complicated. I spent this summer writing for a small weekly paper with a tiny, fiercely dedicated staff, downward-spiraling circulation and five editorial interns, all unpaid. Now that print journalism is on its last legs, working for the weekly felt a little like pushing an old lady in a wheelchair. But I liked the creative and autonomous nature of the internship, which meant that I could walk into the office, write about anything that interested me and publish it on a legit site. Could I write about Nicolas Cage and Disney Princesses? Sure. Walk to a park an interview homeless guys about philosophy? You betcha.

27 Thoughts That Go Through the Mind of a College Student on Summer Break (Almost) Every Day

Nothing goes with a cigarette quite like a coronarita and the threat of VD.

1. “I wonder how many times I’ll have to scan this same file.”

2. “No, no – I didn’t come here for a learning experience, I came here to fetch your coffee and pretend to care about your stories.”

3. “What is it even like to be outside during the day?”

4. “New puppy post on Buzzfeed? Sorry responsibilities, you’ll have to wait.”

How to Feed Yourself and Your Unpaid Internship

There’s nothing like the sweet flavor of an unpaid internship.

Seriously. There literally is nothing like that. Unpaid internships taste like shit, because most internships boil down to three-plus months of ass kissing and there’$ nothing to $weeten the deal.

Plus, you’re starving. Because when you’re in New York, San Francisco or any other city where each square foot of rent costs the sum total of Dolly Parton’s plastic surgeries, do you have the cash to spare for sustenance?

$ign$ point to n0.