An Open Letter to the Northwestern Class of 2018

AHHHHHHYEAAAAAAYYYYY YOU’RE GOING TO NERDWESTERN NORTHWESTERN NORTHWASTED !!!!!

Congratulations. Sincerely. You took 7 or 8 AP exams and scored somewhere 33+ on your ACT* You wrestled away your school’s student presidency from that fucking bitch Katie Taylor and you sacrificed a healthy sleep schedule for that batch of A pluses.

And now,

It’s all paid off.

Sherman Ave Freshman Guide: How To Not End Up in the Back of Some Guy’s Van

"So... want to go back to my place tonight?"

One of the most difficult dilemmas of Welcome Week for new Wildkittens is ascertaining whether the cutie who just started chatting them up is just a freshie looking for a friend or a sketchy character, commonly referred to as a “creeper,” who’s looking for a slampiece. By the time these sleazeballs gather the composure to approach, you will probably have downed at least 3 cups of jungle juice, played slap the bag, and polished off a few half empty beers from some random table. So here’s a few thoughts to keep in mind when trying to ward off Sketchensteins.