How To Announce That You’re Awesome: The Code of Conduct for self-promotion of job/internship/higher education acceptance

Fuck Yale.

My mom asks me, every fortnight or so, what I’m doing next fall. Of course, she knows what I know, which is that I don’t know. She asks anyway. Everyone asks all the time if I know what I’m doing next fall. Isn’t it enough that I’m about to graduate? No. It’s never enough. Doing the college is never enough.

But everyone else seems to have something to do, and it’s that time of year when everyone is announcing to everyone else that they’re just so talented that they’ve managed to secure that job or internship that had really long odds. Like, a Midwesterner-getting-into-Yale long odds. Fuck Yale.