In Which I Wax Poetic on Hamburgers

You’ve gotten me through so much, Edzo’s.

Hamburger you disgust me.

Hamburger I don’t care where you came from.
I don’t know where to find you on a cow, or a horse
or whatever else you may be made of.
Secretly I find the mystery exciting.

Hamburger I know you’ve been getting fatter over the years
but that’s alright.
I had a brief affair with Subway and she’s been good to me,
but you’ll always have more to love.

Hamburger you’re only good when I’m drunk.
Well actually, I take that back.
You’re always good
but I only want you when I’m drunk.

Hamburger I think you should know that my ex hates you.

Hamburger I see you’re hanging out with Cinnabons now
and I won’t judge you, but I worry for you.
Because seriously
those things look like sad pastries covered in jizz.

Hamburger why are you so delicious with coffee?
It sounds like the worst breakfast ever
but somehow there’s magic that combination that just works.
But really, what the fuck is up with that?

Hamburger you’re the only one that cares for me
at 4am when insomnia forces my eyes open with toothpicks.
Well, there’s also my virtual girlfriend Momoyo-chan
but I can’t actually eat Momoyo-chan.

Hamburger you complete me.