We’ve been through a lot together. You’ve seen me at my darkest hours. Those hours when the juices of procrastination were oozing out my every pore and my soul was the emaciated shell of an empty Red Bull can. You’ve been by my side for many excellent decisions, such as when I drunkenly chatted my middle-school boyfriend “just to say hey.” We even took Stats 202 together.
You get me. You know that when I say “hide from newsfeed,” it means I’m sick of seeing that kid’s damn face or hearing about that girl’s stupid day. You’ve molded to my desires like a memory-foam mattress. You know what statuses I’m going to “like,” because I do, in fact, like them. When my best friend adds a new photo, you make damn sure I see it.
You share with me Continue reading
EVANSTON, IL — Faced with an empty other half of the bed and a vomit-inducing hangover, sources confirmed that multiple
students could not in good conscience admit that they had an enjoyable time at La Macchina open bar night this Valentine’s Day.
Most students admitted that their night at La Macchina, a recently-opened Evanston restaurant/bar, was nothing but an empty symbol of their current love life, which consists of drunken booty calls and one-sided gazes across the table during their respective student group’s exec meetings.
Students revealed that Continue reading
Sherman Ave writers are thankful for the bad people in the world who are reading Sherman Ave on Thanksgiving. Here are some things you can do to make us proud. Continue reading
1. You were trying to go to the library but it took too goddamn long to cross Sheridan.
2. The government was shut down.
3. You were looking for the crepe place in Norris.
4. You got impaled by a biker so now you lie bleeding.
5. You were writing a strongly worded letter to your local congressman.
Along with Jameson, gummy vitamins will provide you with enough sustenance to last a fortnight.
If you’ve ever been to a college party, you are probably uncomfortably familiar with the sinking feeling associated with an improper ratio of mixers to alcohol. At Sherman Ave parties, we then resort to chasing with our own heinousness. But that’s pretty advanced and I don’t recommend it. So, instead of you running out to 7-Eleven and endangering the lives of others, allow me to help you help yourself. Let’s get weird.
1. Gummy vitamins
THIS WORKS. These nutrient-rich gelatinous delights immediately cut the burn of cheap vodka. Bonus: if they contain B-vitamins, they may actually help prevent a hangover. PREMED.
Where Pintos are almost as rampant as cigars and political repression.
In lieu of the ”OH EHM GEE you guys look at all these pictures of my summer abroad, oh my gawd I’m having the most incredible adventure” Facebook album, I’ve opted to express my feelings on Cuba, a truly beautiful country, through a more heinous medium (wait let’s be honest I’m still posting Facebook pictures. The only reason there aren’t more is that the internet is slow as balls).
Cuba is incredible and different from anywhere I’ve ever been. I learned a shit-ton in five weeks, but I’m still very much an outsider. But my Spanish is better and I have an increased penchant for rum. My salsa moves, however, are still a work in progress. The hope is that after three more weeks I’ll look less like an epileptic chicken.
You will never, EVER, have enough time to date this man.
Congratulations on your acceptance to Weinberg College of Arts and Sceinces! It’s a magical place where humanities majors do whatever it is they do while premeds commiserate. If your parents are pressuring you into becoming a doctor you’re thinking about going pre-med, you sure as hell better study this guide before stepping foot into Chem 101.
DO go to office hours. That shit is helpful. Also, figure out a systematic way to study that works for you and your brain. It’s a process of trial and error, but once you figure it out you’ll be a rock star.
…that’s actually the only “Do” I can think of, because did I mention that I’m a Sherman Ave writer so I don’t have my shit together?
Northwestern Tour Guide Applications are due tomorrow. Here’s a copy of one Sherman Ave writer’s last-second application.
7 digit student ID number : 696969!
Attach a picture of yourself to this application
1. Why do you want to be a part of the Tour Guide Community?
From an early age, I have had an insatiable desire to walk backwards while talking to high-achieving high school students and their overbearing parents.