Top 5 Reasons Ben Gibbard and Zooey Deschanel Got Divorced

18 Sep

UntitledThis month marks the four-year wedding anniversary of Ben Gibbard and Zooey Deschanel. Ben is best known as the sad-sack lead singer of Death Cab for Cutie and The Postal Service, while Zooey is an actress as well as the songstress for the band She & Him. Unfortunately, everyone’s favorite pick for “Cutest Indie Couple” have been separated almost as long as they were married, and their divorce was finalized in December.

When the pair first became an item, I combined their names to create the celebrity power couple name “Zen,” thinking it captured the harmonious nature of their relationship. Knowing how things turned out, “Booey” (pronounced like the British glam-rocker’s surname) might have been a better choice.

The first five Death Cab for Cutie records are some of my all-time favorites, and who doesn’t love some Deschanel? She’s pretty! She sings! She (sort of) acts! My initial reaction to their relationship, however, was one of intense jealousy. What does Ben Gibbard have that I don’t? Is he somehow more of a sad bastard than myself? Then I considered the possible progeny of their union. I started hoping for adorably talented Deschanel-Gibbards with eyes so blue you couldn’t look at them directly.

In honor of the four-year anniversary of their wedding, we wonder: Where did it all go wrong?

The Top 5 Reasons Zen/Booey Got Divorced

1. Ben hates Zooey’s iPhone commercial as much as the rest of us.

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2. Zooey refused to let Death Cab for Cutie play at their wedding, claiming, “They’re too much of a downer.” Ben never got over it.

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3. Ben is still convinced “(500) Days of Summer” is a documentary about his life.

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4. Zooey listened to “Tiny Vessels,” and realized Ben is kind of a huge asshole.

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5. Like the rest of the world, Zooey really wanted Ben to make a second Postal Service album. He made a mediocre solo record instead.

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Will Ben and Zooey ever find love again? Will Ben and the rest of Death Cab record a killer breakup album? Will Zooey continue to be the weakest actor on “New Girl?”

I sincerely hope so.

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2 Responses to “Top 5 Reasons Ben Gibbard and Zooey Deschanel Got Divorced”

Trackbacks/Pingbacks

  1. “Top 5 Reasons Ben Gibbard and Zooey Deschanel Got Divorced” via Sherman Ave. | Evan W. Stoner - September 21, 2013

    […] http://sherman-ave.com/2013/09/18/top-5-reasons-ben-gibbard-and-zooey-deschanel-got-divorced/ […]

  2. Hey Boy, Whatcha Doin’: One Man’s Confession of New Girl Fandom | Sherman Ave - December 2, 2013

    […] with a certain camaraderie between four friends, three men and one woman who happened to be Zooey Deschanel, that made me warm and calm inside and took away all of my fears and troubles for twenty-two […]

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